I hesitated posting this, because unfortunately it’s really not that inspiring or uplifting. On the same hand I strive to be authentic on this space and we could really use some prayers.
Last week I had another routine ultrasound. I was 17 weeks and had just hit my 6 week mark of being on bed rest. I went into the ultrasound filled with great hope and expecting to hear the news that perhaps I could be off bed rest or at least with more privileges. I was feeling great and based on the past two ultrasounds the hemorrhage was continuing to decrease in size.
My doctor called shortly after I had arrived home from the appointment. She asked how I was doing and also asked if I had been having any bleeding. The second part of the question threw me a bit because I had always made sure to notify her when I did. I replied I was doing well and hoping for some good news, but her answer was not that.
She began, I have bad news your placenta has started to abrupt. Instantly the tears flowed, I knew what that was. I had read all about it. We knew there was a very, very slim possibility of it happening if the hemorrhage became worse. I couldn’t speak. I was in shock at the news. I thought things had been improving. What went wrong.
I managed to put a few words together and ask the prognosis. Would everything be okay. The answer, it could go either way at this point. Pray for a miracle. Nothing is impossible with God. Believe. Don’t give up hope. All things can be healed.
The plan of action would be a more strict bed rest and to watch and notify her of any contractions. Thankfully the bed rest still allows me to sit in a chair so I don’t have to be confined to the bed. While the walking needs to be very limited as we are trying to prevent triggering any contractions.
In all of this I am learning to trust all over again. Learning to let go. Learning to take one day at a time. Learning to live in hope. Believe me it is a slow process as I have spent many nights awake in bed frightened and afraid thinking of the worse case scenarios.
Every morning when I wake up I light a blessed candle in our living room that I look at throughout the day. I have found it to bring me great peace. It’s my constant prayer for the protection of our little one when words cannot be found. A reminder of the love and light of Christ in my life no matter what the day may bring.
This weekend we handed it over in faith as I received the anointing of the sick and a special blessing for our baby. It was so beautiful! We also visited a shrine praying for our miracle. Begging the Blessed Mother’s intercession for an outpouring of grace.
I go back next week for another ultrasound and we are praying with great faith for improvement and healing. With my current condition we have now decided to find out the gender of the baby and name our sweet little one as we don’t know how long they will be with us.
While we wait and see I am filled with hope that this beautiful life miraculously knit together and formed in secret will be sustained by the same Creator that brought it to being.