everyday Ann

living the ordinary seeing the extraordinary

Monday News

1. Exciting news!! EWTN will be featuring Nursery of Heaven the beginning of December! I am doing two episodes on At Home with Jim and Joy airing December 2 and 3 at 1:30pm ET/12:30pm CT. I am incredibly humbled, honored and a tiny bit nervous to say the least!! If you think of it, please say a prayer for me. (And a prayer for Aaron as he takes care of all five kiddos for three days, while I am away taping.)

2. During the shows I will be talking about the book I co-authored, Nursery of Heaven and the topic of miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss. How can we find healing, what role does our faith play, how can we honor the life of our child and how can we find hope.

3. Check out the Nursery of Heaven facebook page. During the month of October, both Patrick and myself shared some videos about grieving and healing. In the coming months contributors to the book will be sharing as well. It is my hope that in creating community and sharing our hearts, healing and hope will be found.

4. In years past it was my goal to have Christmas shopping done before the start of Advent. While I was hoping to accomplish that for this year, the truth is I haven’t even begun and the start of Advent is less than two weeks away. I blame the week of 70 degrees here and somehow it subconsciously told my brain that it was only October, but here we are counting down to Thanksgiving and the start of Advent already!

5. I normally don’t start decorating for Christmas until December 1 and that is only the minimal, the fireplace mantle and stockings. Everything else including the tree goes up on St. Nicholas Day. This year I have been tempted to start early, because it’s 2020 and nothing has been normal. In addition to our tradition of reading Christmas stories in the evening with the children we also use these beautiful books during Advent, Daily Advent Prayers and 24 Christmas Stories to Welcome Jesus.

6. For the month of November I have been writing down one thing I am grateful for every day. It is from the small to the big, from something as simple as a text from a sibling to a friend gifting our family. I can tell already how it has helped me keep perspective and see all things as a gift. I truly love this quote.

Thank God ahead of time. – Blessed Solanus Casey

7. Five years into the mom gig and I have reached a new standard of motherhood, putting on gloves and fishing out a tube of toothpaste floating around in the toilet with poop. Because Briella thinks everything belongs in the potty and happened to sneak this fancy move in while I was attending to Caden.

Just in case your Monday has been off to a rough start, think toothpaste in the toilet and you immediately know things really aren’t that bad.

(Since my posting has been hit and miss lately, check out my instagram for more thoughts and ponderings.)

A Loss Never Forgotten

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Here we are already into Fall, starting the month of October. The leaves are turning, the air is crisp and there is a certain joy this time of year can bring, despite the beautiful summer days behind us. While October is certainly filled with a newness it is also a time of remembering, for some remembering the newness that never came. October marks Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Month, a time to remember and honor the babies whose hearts stopped beating too soon, the ones we never gave birth to, the ones we never held and the ones whose lives were all too short. In addition to remembering the precious souls who are now in heaven basking in God’s glory, it is also a month to remember their mothers whose hearts will never forget.

Perhaps the loss was days, weeks, months or years ago, there is always a piece of us missing. While the world continues to move on, our hearts continue to ponder. We live in a culture that does not value the sacredness of life and often refers to a growing baby as a product of conception, clump of cells, tissue or a fetus. This mindset can leave women questioning their grief, especially if the loss was early on in the pregnancy. Perhaps, they even feel guilty about grieving since they were only 6, 8 or 12 weeks along. Asking themselves, why can I not get over this? Why am I finding it so difficult to move on? Why do I feel so broken inside?

As women who have loss a child, it does not matter the age. It was your baby, an unrepeatable soul, made in God’s image and likeness and a reflection of you and your husband. So if you find yourself grieving that is a natural response. Remember even in the sorrow, healing can be found. While you may feel moments as if God has abandoned you, it is our faith that can bring great comfort. We know how the story ends. Our children are not gone, yes from this earth, but they live on in eternity. Images of us before the face of God, eternal souls waiting for us on the other side of the veil.

Our beloved babies have become our intercessors, our path to heaven in more than one way. We can name our babies, even the ones we have never met, and ask for their intercession in our lives. Tiny Saints in heaven that can pray for us. Saints who reflect us in some way and are still a part of our family, especially when we invite them to intercede for us. They are children who are not loss, but rather have gained heaven as small souls.

In addition to a spiritual connection with our little ones, there is a physical one that many may not know about. As mothers we carry cells from our babies in our body for the rest of our lives, even those babies who were miscarried or stillborn their cells are still with us. The scientific term for this is microchimerism. So while we may think of our babies as departed, they are literally a part of us. Much nearer to us than we could ever imagine. They truly are never forgotten.

After Servant of God Chiara Corbella Petrillo gave birth to her precious Maria who only lived 30 minutes after her birth, she beautifully declared:

The day of Maria’s birth I shall always recall as one of the most beautiful days of my life, and I shall tell all my children that the Lord wishes to send us that they have a special sister who is praying for them in heaven. (Nursery of Heaven: Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Loss in the Lives of the Saints and Today’s Parents)

Affirming the gift of each child, these words from Servant of God Chiara both comfort and give hope that our baby is never forgotten.

What I wish to say to the mothers who have lost children is this: we have been mothers; we have had this great gift. The amount of time does not matter: one month, two months, a few hours. What matters is that we have had this gift…and it is something that can never be forgotten. (Nursery of Heaven: Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Loss in the Lives of the Saints and Today’s Parents)

Autumn Has Fallen

Fall is in full affect here in the Midwest. We have gone from shorts to hats and mittens in 2 days flat. This is one of my favorite seasons, the colors, smells and the crisp air. The apples, pumpkins, campfires and hot cider. I love walking the trails and the crunch of the leaves beneath my feet as my children hand me piles of the leaves they have found.

I like to add a little of the season to my home decor as well. It is nothing extravagant or complicated, just a pumpkin here and there. This year I committed to shopping my home for Fall decor verse buying something new. Last year I purchased a container of small pumpkins and used them as a centerpiece on the dining room table, this year I scattered them throughout the house.

Decorating the front porch is probably my favorite and I love driving up to the house seeing it in season. I think it gives the false impression that perhaps we might have it together, when in reality the inside of the house looks like a tornado went through it most days! Fake it until you make it! It took me a little longer to get around to it this year, in part because my summer flowers finally made it and I didn’t have the heart to uproot. Frost took care of that. I was able to keep some of the ivy to use in the display.

The Things They Say

It has been awhile since I did a post like this, but I love to put these little moments that make my heart smile into writing. Treasured, sweet words that I don’t want to forget as they continue to grow. I hope they make you smile!

Caden: Mom, drive faster!
Me: I am driving fast enough, I don’t want to be speeding.
C: Do your best mom. Do your best.

Complaining that it was 10:00am and I was still in my pajamas.
C: Oh mom, I like you in pajamas.

While driving in the van.
C: Look at the beautiful sky Jesus painted for us.

C: Mom, I love you so much!
Me: I love you more!
C: I love you all the way to Jesus!

C: Mom! We need to make it there on time!

After changing out of some work out clothes.
C: Mom, you look so cute. That is a cute shirt.

Caden’s nose running.
C: Ah, help! My nose is falling!!

Grace pointing to a convertible.
G: Oh look there is a car with no toppings!

After a deer ran in front of our van and I gasped.
G: Oh mom, don’t do that. You scared my heart!

Kolbe: Mom you are going to be sooo mad at me. Like really mad.
Me: Why what happened? I promise I won’t get upset.
K: If I tell you, you are going to be like a lion chasing a gazelle and I am the gazelle!!

After taking the kids to Confession and Kolbe staying behind a bit longer in the church.
K: I was just chatting it up with my guardian angel.

Hold Them Close

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If you are anything like me, I always have these mixed feelings sending my children back to school. Part of it is this longing for more time with them and this guilt that I didn’t take enough advantage of the time summer brought. It also is a maternal concern for the well being and protection of my children. To let them go again, out from under my wings, praying that they have the courage, prudence and virtue to handle with grace whatever situation they may face during their school day. (Perhaps it makes me a helicopter parent.)

It was the first full week of school and I was out running errands with my little ones and hadn’t glanced at my phone for awhile. When I glanced at it between buckling car seats, I noticed a text from my older boys’ school and then an email which startled me. It read something like, the school has been placed on a lock down because of a disturbance in the area. I immediately called my husband, who because of his area of work was also alerted to the details of what was happening.

There was a shooter in the area who police were in pursuit of. My heart started racing, my mind fogged and without thinking it through I told my husband to go and pick the boys up! Obviously, that is not even an option during a lock down. Businesses and streets were also shutdown and closed, but the gut instinct of any mother is to take her child out of harms way. As I learned more about the situation, it was all happening just down the road from their school building. Close enough that they would hear the police and swat teams driving by.

My fear for my children instantly switched to empathy for what they would be feeling in this circumstance. I became anxious, because I knew they were anxious. I was fearful, because I knew they were scared. And then I felt completely helpless, to not be there in their great time of need, to offer comfort and calm in distress and worry. I immediately turned to their Guardian Angels, knowing and believing they are always at our side, asking them to protect, offer peace and ward off all danger.

Within a few hours the police had the suspect, the lock down was over and nobody was harmed. I could not wait for the school day to be over, so I could pick the boys up and have them in my arms. As soon as my oldest walked out of the building I had to fight back the tears when his eyes locked with mine. As I gave him a hug he said, “Mom, it was a really bad day today.”

As a mother, we long for safety, protection and peace for our children. The reality is, my children are growing up in a very different world and cultural climate than from when I was a fifth grader. We practiced fire and tornado drills, the term lock down was not even in our vocabulary. I never questioned my safety and security at school.

Not only have the times changed for our children, they also have altered our worries as mothers. The talks and discussions we have to have with our children today seems to pierce their innocence all too soon. The harsh reality that is our society and the sin that is rampant, is not something we can ignore or hide our heads from, because sooner or later it will stare our children in the face. It is up to us to prepare them, guide them and comfort them. To give them formation, instill virtue and cover them in love. Ultimately pointing to the One who is Love itself. It is there we will find the answers to all of life’s woes, a peace that cannot be shaken.