everyday Ann

living the ordinary seeing the extraordinary

Saying Goodbye to Resolutions

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I am never very good at making New Year’s Resolutions. They last probably the first three weeks and then slowly dwindle off. A few months later I have forgotten about them. Whether it is cutting out sugar, losing weight, keeping the house cleaner, or going to bed earlier. I try, but then tell myself this phase in life right now isn’t suitable to make it happen. (I know, an excuse to get me off the hook!.) So this year I decided I am just not going to make one. No need to feel like I am failing, no disappointment in my lack of results. Sounds good, right?

You may be thinking, that sounds like some serious lack of motivation or an insecurity of the fear of failure. Before you go to far and think I have entirely given up on goal setting, hear me out.

This year during Advent the phrase “being intentional” and “living intentionally” came to me. I sat with it for awhile, thought about how it applied to my own life and I decided to take it with me into the New Year with me. To be intentional in my prayer life, my relationships with my husband and children, time spent on social media, what I am doing in my free time, tending to the house, etc.

I think the phrase encompasses everything that I am seeking to incorporate. Being intentional: purposeful, conscious, intended, deliberate. So perhaps it sounds like a resolution, but I like to think of it as more of an outlook on life. A way to approach the day to day tasks, to allow myself to savor the moments and to help with finding balance that I am in desperate need of.

Motherhood is exhausting. The cleaning, planning, preparing, scheduling, driving, chasing, attending. To-do list, calendars, appointments. It can feel at times like I am merely operating on a what needs to be done basis. Living in survival mode. My motherhood becomes all about doing, productivity and the outcome. Less about the people I am serving. When my focus for the day is what I can cross of my check-list rather than how can I be present to my family, I am not living intentionally.

These moments, this time in my family, referenced as the “golden age” are moments I don’t want to miss. It is time I want to savor, treasure and hold on to. Even in the chaos and daily chores, I want to be. Simply be. Not merely just going through the motions of the same routine every day, but taking joy in each act. Even if it means piles of laundry left unfolded.

To be intentional of what I am doing with my free time. At the end of the day, am I mindlessly staring at the T.V. or scrolling through my phone. Don’t get me wrong, we all need those moments once in awhile to veg. In this season of motherhood for me free time is a rarity. So I have to ask myself, what am I doing with it. It is those moments of free time, if used correctly, that can fill me so I can continue to give.

Probably the most important for me is, am I being intentional in my prayer life and spiritual growth. I cannot tell you how many times I have set big goals of getting to daily Mass once a week, going to adoration, or having 30 minutes of uninterrupted prayer time before the kids wake up, etc. If you have little ones, you are probably laughing because you know. All well intention aside, our lives ebb and flow by the needs of our children and this includes our prayer life.

Still, this is an area to me that calls for the most intentionality. So for now it is reading through the Mass readings of the day, (thank you BIS) first thing in the morning before doing anything else. Around mid afternoon, usually while driving to school pick-up, listening to a Gospel reflection, through RC Daily Meditation or by using the Laudate app. It is also simply turning my thoughts and words to God throughout the day, because even the smallest gesture is prayer.

In a society where it is all about productivity, the bottom line and gain it can serve us well to take be a little less like Martha and learn some insight from Mary.

In This New Year

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The countdown happened at 8:30pm at our house, complete with sparklers, fountains and noise makers. We rang in the New Year with kids laughing and yelling “Happy New Year!” Prior to the brief party we went around the dinner table and shared two highlights of 2020 and two things that were challenging from the year. During our family prayers that evening we decided to skip intentions and instead to solely pray in thanksgiving for all of the blessings we had received in 2020.

There is no doubt 2020 was difficult and challenging. It stretched most of us in new ways, even at times what felt like to our limit. What we knew as the norm was done away with and we had to adapt to a new lifestyle mixed with fear and uncertainty. Not knowing when things would be “normal” again.

It was a year we saw our Churches closed, attended Mass virtually and longed to receive the Eucharist once again. Spring breaks and vacations were cancelled. Visits with family and friends became limited and sparse. Easter was celebrated with only immediate family in our homes and we all learned of zoom and virtual meetings.

A year of mourning what was loss and longing for what was taken from us. It was a time filled with more stillness and less busyness. More being and less doing. More time together to be present and less going through the motions. Truly a year of change and challenges.

In the trials and difficulties, I can look back and see many blessings. While so many plans were put on hold, new ones were formed. Memories made that perhaps wouldn’t have been otherwise. It was a time to become intentional in our relationships.

A few highlights from 2020 were celebrating each of my children’s birthdays. Family movie nights and eating dinner around the campfire. Day trips and stay-cations. Visiting family and going camping. Watching Kolbe and Ethan play baseball and the joy it brought them. Celebrating 13 years of marriage. Being invited as a speaker to two virtual conferences and being a guest on EWTN.

As I look ahead to the New Year 2021, as I set goals and plan I realize the vast uncertainty of life. Reflecting on that reality can cause unrest and anxiety, but the underlying truth is one that can and does bring comfort. Our lives are guided by the Holy Spirit if we allow it to be, our dreams whether they go according to plan or not are under God’s loving and providential care. In that truth is where joy and hope is found. There our hearts can truly be at peace no matter what this new year may bring.

Wishing you all a most joyous Christmas season and a blessed New Year!!

Lasting Joy in a Fleeting World

I am sitting down to begin writing this post on the Third Sunday of Advent, Gaudete Sunday. These days it seems I can never get everything written and complete in one day without someone needing me before anything is finished. And here I find myself already Thursday, almost to the Fourth Sunday, first now finishing this. So this is life with little ones!

Gaudete is to rejoice, to have joy. To have joy, because Our Lord is near. To rejoice, because the birth of our Savior is drawing close. Joy, because our redemption is at hand. God made man, to save the world. To save us from our sins and to redeem mankind.

It is joy in hearing Gabriel’s announcement to Mary. Joy in Mary’s fiat, yes to the Lord’s holy will. Joy as Mary held the Christ child for the first time and pondered his beauty. Joy in the angels announcement to the shepherds. Joy in the Magi’s gifts.

The readings from Mass, were filled with calls of joy. Not mere happiness that is fleeting, but authentic joy. Joy that radiates from our hearts. Joy that comes from a relationship with Christ. Joy that is not shaken by circumstances.

Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing.
In all circumstances give thanks,
for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

It was just a short two weeks ago that I had the privilege and gift of going to Birmingham, Alabama. While I was there I made a visit to a beautiful Shrine 45 minutes north. Hidden in the back country, down winding roads, miles of white fence with cattle grazing, lining the way. It was there the Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament was found.

The beauty found within this Shrine was breathtaking. After walking around the grounds and the inside of the Shrine, we returned to the main Church to spend some time in prayer. As we knelt down, beautiful voices could be heard on the other side of the altar. Voices in song, in prayer. Voices filled with joy and complete love of God. The Shrine is home to the Poor Clare Nuns.

As I sat there and prayed I couldn’t help but think of the sacrifice, devotion and love these women were filled with. While it may seem hard to comprehend as we live in this world, going through our day to day task, taking care of our family, our children, tending to our jobs. It was true joy that I heard. Although, they are removed from the worldly distractions we so often find ourselves facing they were filled with an immense joy.

My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord;
my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has looked upon his lowly servant.

Luke 1:46

I rejoice heartily in the LORD,
in my God is the joy of my soul

Isaiah 61:10

This time of year can easily distract us. Trying to fill our hearts with things that are fleeting or only bring happiness for a brief moment. I know I have found myself getting swept up in the worldliness of the season, instead of keeping my focus on the One who brings true joy. Joy that will not leave. Joy that permeates our hearts even when the pleasures from this world are removed.

The struggle has been real for me these last couple of weeks to want the house perfectly decorated, all of my Christmas cards in the mail and every task on my to-do list crossed off now. While these are beautiful gestures, when I have allowed them to become my focus I lose joy. When I base my day on what gets accomplished rather than was my heart turned toward Christ, it becomes difficult to rejoice.

True joy is not defined or contained by circumstances, decorations or presents or whether my house has toys scattered about or baskets of laundry to fold. While we may all have things on our Christmas list, the happiness won’t carry us through the year or difficult challenges we may face. What the world offers is fleeting. It is joy in knowing Our Savior that will accompany us, remain in our hearts and never leave.

To Find Healing

This time of year can be incredibly difficult for those grieving a loss. A painful reminder of who they are not celebrating with at Christmas. Perhaps it is the baby longing to be conceived, the little one who was miscarried, the child delivered stillborn or the one who lived for only a short few weeks.

Our first miscarriage happened at 12 weeks, the day before Christmas Eve. As the choir sang Joy to the World my heart was gripped with pain. A time of good tidings and cheer and I was overcome with sorrow. As the world celebrated the birth of a baby, I grieved the loss of ours.

One year later, the following Christmas I remember being nervous and anxious. How would I emotionally get through this when otherwise I would be celebrating with our eight month old.

I was getting ready for Christmas Eve Mass when I heard a baby, a coo. I walked out into the living room expecting to see my small nephews, thinking perhaps my brother stopped by without me knowing. There was no one. The house was empty. To some it may sound ridiculous, but it was a sound so distinct and clear, that I knew it was God reaching out to console me and bring healing to my heart.

Last week I had the privilege of being invited to EWTN to tape two shows with At Home with Jim and Joy. Honored and humbled by the opportunity and truly a gift to share our story and the book, Nursery of Heaven. I am sharing the interviews with you, in the hope that it brings some kind of healing into your lives. Perhaps a stirring from the Holy Spirit or the needed balm for your soul.

We are in this journey together and ultimately it is healing and hope that God is longing to pour out into our hearts. Please know that I am praying for you!

Adoption: Being Family

This may be my all time favorite picture. While there could be a little bias present, because it is my family. Still it is a picture that if I look at it with my heart, immediately fills my eyes with tears!

Just a short five years ago this picture would have been only my husband and I with empty arms and heavy hearts. Wondering God’s plan for us and if we would ever be blessed with children. Fast forward, five children later and this is our family.

What draws me to this picture are the smiles and the joy in each of my children’s faces. Yes, we said cheese and smiled, but I know that the joy and love expressed in one still image is a blessing that I see every day. The genuine care, laughter and time shared between them.

Some of my children were born in my heart and other’s in my womb, but the bond between these five one would never know. Seeing them stand hand in hand, a family that doesn’t match, has different backgrounds and stories, but above all unified in love.

It is Briella running up to Kolbe with her arms outstretched, when she sees him at their school Mass. It is Ethan surprising Grace with a present he made at school. It is playing baseball with Caden, sitting on the couch reading to Grace, getting Briella out of her crib in the morning. It is the hug Caden greets Ethan with after school. I could not ask for more.

When I asked one of my son’s the other day what he thinks of when he hears the word adoption, he said family. That one word answer melted my heart, because I know the word carries with it complexities, emotions and something bigger than I can explain.

November is National Adoption Month and I am truly grateful that adoption is a part of my story. Adoption is something that not only changed our family it is something that has transformed my heart. In it God has worked on my heart daily, revealing more about who He is and the grandeur of His love, something that I will never be able to comprehend.

While you see a family of seven, we are a family much larger. A family that stretches across oceans, continents and languages. What a gift. While it truly humbles me to be entrusted with another mother’s child, it is an honor. Leaving me wanting to be better. I am embarrassed to say that it has taken time to accept the fact that I will never be first and that is okay, because in the end it isn’t about that. Just two different kinds of love.

I remember at one point being the person afraid of the term, open adoption. What would that mean, what would it look like and how would it play out in our daily life. Today, I am the adoptive mother who advocates for it. We are families that have become united, paths that have intertwined and stories that are now being written together.

This week I am grateful for technology, video calling to another continent and the sparkle and excitement I saw in so many people’s eyes. I am also grateful for the quick reminder that God gave me when I am tempted to complain about needing more space, the 13 month old still in our room or needing something new.

When you gather with your family this week for Thanksgiving, whether it be just a few of you or all of your extended family, the traditional turkey feast or something a little smaller. Take a moment to be grateful. Grateful for the family God has blessed you with and those He has placed in your life.

Grateful for the house you have outgrown or the one in need of remodeling. Grateful for the car you drive, the light switch you turn on and the clean water you drink. Grateful you never have to wonder where your next meal will come from. And despite the chaos that this school year has been between virtual and in person learning, grateful that your children are being educated.

The reality is we are all family, a universal family. Each made in God’s own image and likeness. Called to be our brother’s keeper and to care for the least of these. Brothers and sisters in Christ. In that God’s love is revealed.

Have a most joyous and blessed Thanksgiving!