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everyday Ann

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Instilling Hope in Our Children

January 19, 2021

Prior to mom life, I was a producer in Catholic radio for eight years. It was my job to know the news, to keep up with the headlines and be aware of what was breaking. Every day I searched, scrolled and skimmed through news stories looking for what would make compelling and valuable content. The show I worked on presented the latest news and issues of the day through a Catholic lens.

Five kids later and there are days I feel like a hermit. Days I don’t leave the four walls of my house, other than school pickup when my children are not virtual. The T.V. is off during the day, other than the rare occurrence of Daniel the Tiger or Curious George. I might hear of breaking news when my husband comes home from work, or see headlines when I sign in and out of my email or do a quick scroll through social media.

It may sound like I am out of touch with reality. Perhaps, I am. Some may say I have my head buried in the sand. I realize that it is important to be knowledgeable, because this is the world in which we live. To be aware, so we can raise up these intentions in prayer. While there is value in being informed with what is happening in our world and society, I think there is a certain amount of peace that comes with not consuming and being consumed by the news.

To be honest it prevents me from becoming so discouraged, which allows me to be more present. Because within these four walls are little souls dependent on me. Dependent on my care, attention and love. Little souls that are innocent, full of joy and a beautiful promise of the future. It is my job to protect that, nourish it and shape it. It is my job to give hope, through my prayers words and actions.

Do not let your hearts be troubled.

John 14:1

The fear of what the future holds does indeed frighten me if I allow it to. I look at my children and wonder how I can keep them from experiencing the ills, heartache and evil that surrounds us. Having them all join monastic life or living with me until they are forty is not the answer, although I have contemplated both options.

My oldest children are at the age now where they are becoming more aware of what is happening, they hear things at school, they can read billboards or hear pieces of conversations. It is my responsibility to present them information honestly, but at an age appropriate level in terms they can understand without instilling fear. Easier said then done.

Do not fear: I am with you;
Do not be anxious: I am your God.

Isaiah 41:10

How can I as a parent ensure my children always have hope, now and as they continue to grow older. I like to remind them that God has a purpose for their life, that only they can fulfill. God created them for this time, this moment in history with a specific mission, unique to them and no one else. Set apart, equipped to do His will.

Foster and encourage the habit of praying in thanksgiving. It is easy to present our intentions to God, I feel like my list of petitions are endless. During evening or night prayers, ask the children to also pray in thanksgiving. It can be as simple as being thankful they didn’t have homework or that they have a warm bed to sleep in.

Be sensitive to the news you and your spouse discuss around the children. It is easy to fall into the habit of talking about the news of the day at the dinner table, but it may not be the best time. There are even conversations that my older sons want to have, sometimes as soon as they get in the van after school, that need to wait until the younger children are not present.

During dinner ask the children to share something good about their day. How did they see God’s love? Perhaps through a friend’s kind words, a classmate’s helping hand or a stranger’s smile. It fosters their awareness that God is always present in our lives, active and showing us His love. No matter what may happen, God is here and will take care of us.

Above all, it is up to me to model hope. When uncertainty arises, troubles occur and the future seems daunting. My words and actions need to speak of God’s faithfulness, His providential care and His unending love. Because we know how the story goes, we know how the story ends! In there lies our hope.

Hold fast to the hope that lies before us.

Hebrews 6:18

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Filed Under: Faith, Motherhood

Saying Goodbye to Resolutions

January 11, 2021

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I am never very good at making New Year’s Resolutions. They last probably the first three weeks and then slowly dwindle off. A few months later I have forgotten about them. Whether it is cutting out sugar, losing weight, keeping the house cleaner, or going to bed earlier. I try, but then tell myself this phase in life right now isn’t suitable to make it happen. (I know, an excuse to get me off the hook!.) So this year I decided I am just not going to make one. No need to feel like I am failing, no disappointment in my lack of results. Sounds good, right?

You may be thinking, that sounds like some serious lack of motivation or an insecurity of the fear of failure. Before you go to far and think I have entirely given up on goal setting, hear me out.

This year during Advent the phrase “being intentional” and “living intentionally” came to me. I sat with it for awhile, thought about how it applied to my own life and I decided to take it with me into the New Year with me. To be intentional in my prayer life, my relationships with my husband and children, time spent on social media, what I am doing in my free time, tending to the house, etc.

I think the phrase encompasses everything that I am seeking to incorporate. Being intentional: purposeful, conscious, intended, deliberate. So perhaps it sounds like a resolution, but I like to think of it as more of an outlook on life. A way to approach the day to day tasks, to allow myself to savor the moments and to help with finding balance that I am in desperate need of.

Motherhood is exhausting. The cleaning, planning, preparing, scheduling, driving, chasing, attending. To-do list, calendars, appointments. It can feel at times like I am merely operating on a what needs to be done basis. Living in survival mode. My motherhood becomes all about doing, productivity and the outcome. Less about the people I am serving. When my focus for the day is what I can cross of my check-list rather than how can I be present to my family, I am not living intentionally.

These moments, this time in my family, referenced as the “golden age” are moments I don’t want to miss. It is time I want to savor, treasure and hold on to. Even in the chaos and daily chores, I want to be. Simply be. Not merely just going through the motions of the same routine every day, but taking joy in each act. Even if it means piles of laundry left unfolded.

To be intentional of what I am doing with my free time. At the end of the day, am I mindlessly staring at the T.V. or scrolling through my phone. Don’t get me wrong, we all need those moments once in awhile to veg. In this season of motherhood for me free time is a rarity. So I have to ask myself, what am I doing with it. It is those moments of free time, if used correctly, that can fill me so I can continue to give.

Probably the most important for me is, am I being intentional in my prayer life and spiritual growth. I cannot tell you how many times I have set big goals of getting to daily Mass once a week, going to adoration, or having 30 minutes of uninterrupted prayer time before the kids wake up, etc. If you have little ones, you are probably laughing because you know. All well intention aside, our lives ebb and flow by the needs of our children and this includes our prayer life.

Still, this is an area to me that calls for the most intentionality. So for now it is reading through the Mass readings of the day, (thank you BIS) first thing in the morning before doing anything else. Around mid afternoon, usually while driving to school pick-up, listening to a Gospel reflection, through RC Daily Meditation or by using the Laudate app. It is also simply turning my thoughts and words to God throughout the day, because even the smallest gesture is prayer.

In a society where it is all about productivity, the bottom line and gain it can serve us well to take be a little less like Martha and learn some insight from Mary.

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Filed Under: Everyday Life, Motherhood

To Find Healing

December 8, 2020

This time of year can be incredibly difficult for those grieving a loss. A painful reminder of who they are not celebrating with at Christmas. Perhaps it is the baby longing to be conceived, the little one who was miscarried, the child delivered stillborn or the one who lived for only a short few weeks.

Our first miscarriage happened at 12 weeks, the day before Christmas Eve. As the choir sang Joy to the World my heart was gripped with pain. A time of good tidings and cheer and I was overcome with sorrow. As the world celebrated the birth of a baby, I grieved the loss of ours.

One year later, the following Christmas I remember being nervous and anxious. How would I emotionally get through this when otherwise I would be celebrating with our eight month old.

I was getting ready for Christmas Eve Mass when I heard a baby, a coo. I walked out into the living room expecting to see my small nephews, thinking perhaps my brother stopped by without me knowing. There was no one. The house was empty. To some it may sound ridiculous, but it was a sound so distinct and clear, that I knew it was God reaching out to console me and bring healing to my heart.

Last week I had the privilege of being invited to EWTN to tape two shows with At Home with Jim and Joy. Honored and humbled by the opportunity and truly a gift to share our story and the book, Nursery of Heaven. I am sharing the interviews with you, in the hope that it brings some kind of healing into your lives. Perhaps a stirring from the Holy Spirit or the needed balm for your soul.

We are in this journey together and ultimately it is healing and hope that God is longing to pour out into our hearts. Please know that I am praying for you!

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Filed Under: Infertility, Motherhood

A Loss Never Forgotten

October 9, 2020

(source)

Here we are already into Fall, starting the month of October. The leaves are turning, the air is crisp and there is a certain joy this time of year can bring, despite the beautiful summer days behind us. While October is certainly filled with a newness it is also a time of remembering, for some remembering the newness that never came. October marks Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Month, a time to remember and honor the babies whose hearts stopped beating too soon, the ones we never gave birth to, the ones we never held and the ones whose lives were all too short. In addition to remembering the precious souls who are now in heaven basking in God’s glory, it is also a month to remember their mothers whose hearts will never forget.

Perhaps the loss was days, weeks, months or years ago, there is always a piece of us missing. While the world continues to move on, our hearts continue to ponder. We live in a culture that does not value the sacredness of life and often refers to a growing baby as a product of conception, clump of cells, tissue or a fetus. This mindset can leave women questioning their grief, especially if the loss was early on in the pregnancy. Perhaps, they even feel guilty about grieving since they were only 6, 8 or 12 weeks along. Asking themselves, why can I not get over this? Why am I finding it so difficult to move on? Why do I feel so broken inside?

As women who have loss a child, it does not matter the age. It was your baby, an unrepeatable soul, made in God’s image and likeness and a reflection of you and your husband. So if you find yourself grieving that is a natural response. Remember even in the sorrow, healing can be found. While you may feel moments as if God has abandoned you, it is our faith that can bring great comfort. We know how the story ends. Our children are not gone, yes from this earth, but they live on in eternity. Images of us before the face of God, eternal souls waiting for us on the other side of the veil.

Our beloved babies have become our intercessors, our path to heaven in more than one way. We can name our babies, even the ones we have never met, and ask for their intercession in our lives. Tiny Saints in heaven that can pray for us. Saints who reflect us in some way and are still a part of our family, especially when we invite them to intercede for us. They are children who are not loss, but rather have gained heaven as small souls.

In addition to a spiritual connection with our little ones, there is a physical one that many may not know about. As mothers we carry cells from our babies in our body for the rest of our lives, even those babies who were miscarried or stillborn their cells are still with us. The scientific term for this is microchimerism. So while we may think of our babies as departed, they are literally a part of us. Much nearer to us than we could ever imagine. They truly are never forgotten.

After Servant of God Chiara Corbella Petrillo gave birth to her precious Maria who only lived 30 minutes after her birth, she beautifully declared:

The day of Maria’s birth I shall always recall as one of the most beautiful days of my life, and I shall tell all my children that the Lord wishes to send us that they have a special sister who is praying for them in heaven. (Nursery of Heaven: Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Loss in the Lives of the Saints and Today’s Parents)

Affirming the gift of each child, these words from Servant of God Chiara both comfort and give hope that our baby is never forgotten.

What I wish to say to the mothers who have lost children is this: we have been mothers; we have had this great gift. The amount of time does not matter: one month, two months, a few hours. What matters is that we have had this gift…and it is something that can never be forgotten. (Nursery of Heaven: Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Loss in the Lives of the Saints and Today’s Parents)

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Filed Under: Infertility, Motherhood

The Things They Say

September 21, 2020

It has been awhile since I did a post like this, but I love to put these little moments that make my heart smile into writing. Treasured, sweet words that I don’t want to forget as they continue to grow. I hope they make you smile!

Caden: Mom, drive faster!
Me: I am driving fast enough, I don’t want to be speeding.
C: Do your best mom. Do your best.

Complaining that it was 10:00am and I was still in my pajamas.
C: Oh mom, I like you in pajamas.

While driving in the van.
C: Look at the beautiful sky Jesus painted for us.

C: Mom, I love you so much!
Me: I love you more!
C: I love you all the way to Jesus!

C: Mom! We need to make it there on time!

After changing out of some work out clothes.
C: Mom, you look so cute. That is a cute shirt.

Caden’s nose running.
C: Ah, help! My nose is falling!!

Grace pointing to a convertible.
G: Oh look there is a car with no toppings!

After a deer ran in front of our van and I gasped.
G: Oh mom, don’t do that. You scared my heart!

Kolbe: Mom you are going to be sooo mad at me. Like really mad.
Me: Why what happened? I promise I won’t get upset.
K: If I tell you, you are going to be like a lion chasing a gazelle and I am the gazelle!!

After taking the kids to Confession and Kolbe staying behind a bit longer in the church.
K: I was just chatting it up with my guardian angel.

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Filed Under: Everyday Life, Motherhood

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