Today is Mother’s Day, for many of us it is a day of celebration, reminiscing, gratitude, joy, laughter and counting our blessings. Grateful for the beautiful mothers in our lives and for those little souls entrusted to our care, who we have the privilege of being a mother to.

While though for some, Mother’s Day is a day filled with loss, grief, emptiness, longing and waiting. For over seven years, that was me. I dreaded Mother’s Day. I wished I could opt out, fast forward, skip the day on the calendar or just sleep through it.

A day that I woke up knowing the grief I would encounter. Knowing the tears that would stream down my face during the Mother’s Day blessing at Mass, the flowers I would have to say “no thank you” to as waitresses handed them out at brunch to mothers, the gathering with family as everyone said “Happy Mother’s Day” to each other and I awkwardly stood on the side.

Today now five kids and six years later my arms are full and the dread of the day is gone. I feel beyond grateful and blessed with the incredible gifts I have been given. Still I do not forget the pain, there is a sadness in my heart for the years I grieved and for the babies I never held.

Although, my house is now bustling and most days are filled with chaos, today I am thinking of you. All it takes is for me to sit for a quiet moment and I can go back to those days, those years, those memories.

For you who are waiting, longing to see two pink lines and hoping this will be the month. For those who are grieving having said good bye to their baby all too soon, because of miscarriage or stillbirth. For you who have experienced the incredible heartache of burying a child. For those who have made an insurmountable sacrifice entrusting their child to another mother. I see you and I am praying for you.

Although, you may not receive the traditional Mother’s Day flowers today look at the image above. These flowers are for you, pick your favorite bouquet and take it as your own. You are a mother whether you have born children or not, whether you have children currently in your arms or have kissed them softly on the cheek as you said good-bye. You are a mother. Happy Mother’s Day!

I love this quote from Servant of God Chiara Corbella Petrillo.

What I wish to say to the mothers who have lost children is this: we have been mothers; we have had this great gift. The amount of time does not matter: one month, two months, a few hours. What matters is that we have had this gift…and it is something that can never be forgotten.

In addition to growing a baby the past nine months I have also been working on co-authoring a book for nine months. Both our sweet baby Briella and the book Nursery of Heaven made their arrival within a week of each other. Both gifts from God and an answer to prayer!

Nursery of Heaven: Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Loss in the Lives of the Saints and Today’s Parents is now available for purchase on amazon! To learn more visit contemplativeheartpress.com.

Several months before starting to write the book I had been praying that God would open a door for me to share about my miscarriages. My heart had a desire to use the suffering I had experienced to somehow bring healing to another soul. Nothing short of the Holy Spirit orchestrating it all, the project began.

This book is the fruition of everything I wish I had while I went through my own miscarriages, struggled with loneliness and tried to cope with my grief and find healing. From the lives of the saints who experienced the heartache many women feel today, to parents sharing their own journey, resources for those grieving and beautiful prayers and blessings.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and I still feel like more awareness needs to be made. Yes, many strides have been taken, but more can be done. I hope this book can aide in that, offering hope and healing for women and couples as they search for meaning.

To know they are not alone in their struggle. To feel connected with others who have carried a similar cross. And to have their faith strengthened realizing in all of the heartache God has not abandoned them.

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October marks Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and while I see great changes in awareness since I had my first miscarriage almost ten years ago I still think there is a long ways to go, especially in our personal and faith communities. Over the years we have honored our babies in different ways during the month of October. This year we will be doing a balloon release with our children.

I am writing at Catholic Mom today sharing five ways that have helped me find healing after the loss of my babies to  miscarriage. What has helped you find healing? I would love to hear your story, none of us are in this alone.

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I am over at Blessed Is She Blog today, sharing reflections and hope for those who find Mother’s Day to be a painful remembrance of what they don’t have, what their hearts still long for.

Humbled and honored to have my writing posted for such an amazing ministry.

Praying this week for those of you still dreaming and hoping to some day hear the word, Mama.