The days when God asks you to give a little more and you wonder how you will make it through. You just spent the entire night rocking and holding your sick baby, so they could be in a more comfortable position because as soon as you lay them in their crib they scream in pain. When you finally get settled for an hour of sleep the toddler wakes up, your jaw clenches as you try to get them their drink of water.
Morning comes all too quickly and it seems as if you would rather hide under the covers than face the day. Nothing that a two cup of fully caffeinated coffee can’t help. Only you haven’t been drinking caffeine, so after the jolt you are left feeling a little shaky and nauseated instead of energized.
Made it to lunch, nap time is right around the corner and you cannot wait to sneak in a 30 minute snooze while the little ones sleep. Only today they decide that their nap time will not coincide and your glimmer of hope is gone. You begin to countdown the hours until the second shift steps in. Five hours and counting, slamming LaCroix because it’s the next best thing to wine.
Dinner becomes well balanced with a bag of tator-tots, sandwiches and cucumbers because nobody ever said this was a five star kitchen. Your relief walks in the door and you use everything in your power to not run out while you have the chance.
Bedtime approaches only to find the toddler spiked a high fever meaning another sleepless night. Two sick kiddos and the weekend plans went out the door, your only opportunity at having a social life and communication with the outside world. In addition the four day family vacay that you spent all week packing and prepping for gets canceled.
Some days God definitely ask me to give a little more, sometimes a lot more. When I think I have given all of my love, time, sleep and energy to my family I find God stretching me even more. At moments to the point of exhaustion, ready to throw in the towel.
Then I remember that this, this is my vocation. Sleepless nights, rocking babies, cancelling plans is all part of God’s plan to make me holy. His plan to etch away the selfishness that still consumes me, the comfort that I take for granted and the need to feel in control of my plans.
Motherhood is my path to heaven if I can just accept the difficulties alongside with the joys. To see God’s grace even in the moments that leave me giving more than I think I am capable of. He gave more, He gave all.