After having been through such a long stretch of not making much progress in the adoption journey, it feels surreal to actually be thinking about this dream becoming a reality! Every day being one more closer.
I have been careful not to get ahead of myself in terms of preparation of the house and rooms, which I know in the end will mean we will be left scrambling. It’s probably attributed more to my husband’s wisdom as he tries to protect me from any hurt in the case something would fall through. I also realize our past losses have caused me to guard my heart a little more closely.
Although, I have already looked at paint samples, researched car seats, have some bedding picked out and have had to restrain myself to only buying a few outfits here and there throughout the process. As much as I guard my heart, I can’t help but picture us as a family. A family, although we are not all together yet, which has meant experiencing things without them that I thought for sure they would have been a part of. Vacations, family outings, weddings and the list goes on. Going through each of the events wishing we were making the memories with them physically here with us.
This past weekend my husband and I went looking for bunk beds, I felt like a kid in grown up shoes, partly in disbelief and the other half overcome with excitement! Visiting several stores, looking at prices and trying to decide what would be a good fit for our family. Although, it seemed like every store was having their best sale, we both decided we would wait until we were a little further in the process. (Did I mention we are going to be left scrambling?)
I find myself in their soon to be room, God willing. Opening the shades every morning to let the light in and at the same time allowing the light to penetrate my heart and cast out any fears. My heart filled with so many mixed emotions; joy, nerves, excitement, worry, hope. Waiting expectantly for the day to arrive and at the same time praying I can be the mama they need. Wondering what they will think of us and worrying whether I will know what I am doing after almost 7 years with no kids.
Our love for them continues to grow as they continually grow in our hearts. We are not there yet, but one day closer!