Just last week on the show I produce we did a segment titled “Waiting on the Lord”. I was brought into the conversation for a few minutes to share some thoughts and perspective from my own experience. Since then I have been reflecting on how the theme of waiting is truly the state of life I seem to be in at this moment.
I am not an expert on this topic by any means, especially since I could be labeled by some as impatient and lean towards having a Type A personality. We all have moments in our lives where we experience a period of waiting, sometimes short and at other times drawn out with what seems to have no end in sight. Just waiting and praying, praying and waiting. Not knowing what the outcome will be or what will happen next, but waiting on God’s perfect timing.
Reflecting on my life it is easy to recall times of waiting, from the college acceptance letter to the first job, meeting the man of my dreams to finally closing on our first house. There are also the moments of waiting that have come with much heartache and soul searching. Moments that push you to the very brim, truly test your faith and make you cry out to God. For my husband and I those moments focus around our desire to have children.
The excitement, hope and fear that comes everytime I see two pink lines on a pregnancy test, waiting and praying the baby will make it through the first trimester. Crying out to God and hoping for a miracle, yet being faced with news that once again throws you in a spiral. It’s in the moments like these that you question waiting, you begin to allow despair to creep in and wonder if your prayers are falling on deaf ears.
In struggling to get back up, persevering in prayer you begin to trust He has a plan and realize despair and discouragement is not His answer. Now as we try and journey through the adoption process and have been for over a year and a half, I daily have to fight the anxiety and fear as we wait. As this process continues to drag on with no certainty of an end in sight, I try and allow myself to be still. Trying to find hope in what seems like God’s silence, but knowing in the silence, in the wait, God is still at work in my life and changing my heart.
As one who wants to have control of my life and know what the next week and month will bring, I have found there is profound peace in letting go. Letting go of control and allowing God to work, trusting and knowing He will never abandon me.
It seems in the times of waiting, no matter how short or long, we learn to surrender, completely surrender. Trusting in a higher power far outside of ourselves, knowing there is a plan and allowing God to move.
We have prayed so many times for either the adoption to go through quickly or to fall through completely, so to have closure one way or the other. Basically praying for anything except the unknown, anything other than the wait. Still all we are met with is more waiting. There is much peace and freedom in coming to accept that right now this is God’s will. As much as we desire to have children, today and in this moment God’s will for us is waiting.
So we continue to learn and to live in the wait, to embrace what the wait brings us and teaches us. Learning to live in the moment and for today God asks us to continue to wait.