I have had several people casually ask me recently where the boys will be going to school in the fall and every time I feel embarrassed and freeze because reality hits and I do not have an answer. With July right around the corner I realize we are approaching crunch time, the moment of truth, the point of no return . It may seem like we are waiting for the procrastinators special, but in all honesty I just haven’t had the complete peace yet that makes me want to commit to either homeschooling or enrolling in traditional school.
Only having been a family for 18 months and not 5 years there are so many more factors that play into our decision, which also make it that much more complicated. Are the boys ready? Are we ready? Where are they academically, socially, emotionally? Where are we as a family unit, do we need more time? Where will they thrive? Where will they receive the best foundation for future growth?
When we ask them they say they are ready for traditional school and perhaps they are, but this mama’s heart has so much angst and I am not sure I am ready to let go. I know I can’t base the decision on whether I am ready, but I know there will be weeks of crying if we send them, me not them. Feeling as if I have already missed so much of their lives, it saddens me to think of missing so much more. I realize my feelings are dramatized more than need be, they aren’t going to college or moving out, although to me it seems to that extent.
The boys had a trial run a few weeks back when they attended Totus Tuus at our parish, similar to a Vacation Bible School. They did amazing!! Never having been away from me for that amount of time, there were nerves heading into the week. They both were a little scared and missed me, but they had a blast and so many stories and tales to tell of their time away. It made me so proud, especially because they were so proud of themselves!
They seemed to have grown so much in this past year, seeking more independence, wanting to try things on their own and not always wanting to hold mom’s hand in public. I feel like I am left trying to grasp every moment, hold onto time as it races before me. We only hold our children’s hands for awhile, but how do I wish I could hold them forever!