everyday Ann

living the ordinary seeing the extraordinary

A Time to be Made New

I think Aaron wins husband of the year award or at least of the weekend! While I was away at a conference with Briella he held down the fort with the four other kiddos. Everyone was healthy and in good spirits when I left Friday afternoon. Then Saturday night happened when a stomach bug hit the house and Aaron was left cleaning up puke for over two hours. Sheets, blankets, carpet, curtains, toilets…you get the idea.

I wasn’t able to listen to the speakers much at the conference as I was attending as a vendor with my book, Nursery of Heaven. But I did hear the most beautiful song performed, Little Girl by His Own. I listened to it too many times to count on my 5 hour drive back home last night.

I am one who waits until the very last stroke of midnight before Ash Wednesday to figure out what I am going to do for Lent and this year is no different. While I still don’t have my Lenten plan figured out, this song spoke so clearly to my heart. He is calling my name and wants to make me new.

On the most difficult days, when I am less than perfect as a wife and mother. When I feel I have failed, He is asking me to get up again. Calling my name, asking me to begin again. Lent is a season for God to make all things new, in our hearts, our prayer life, our family, etc. To make all things new in us. To transform and make anew those areas of our life that are hidden, in darkness or broken, so when Easter comes we are truly able to rise with Him. To get up and rise with our King.

One thing the children are looking forward to again this Lent is the sacrifice jar, which we have done the last couple of years and it has become a favorite…especially because they know it means jelly beans at Easter!

Would love to hear some of your Lenten resolutions. Aaron said he could come up with plenty of ideas for me! Have a blessed Ash Wednesday as we begin this journey.

Given For You

Oof! I know these are the days I am going to look back on and miss, but these are also the days that require the most of me. Every ounce of energy at all hours of the day. To sheer exhaustion or to my breaking point.

No matter how many children you may have the vocation of motherhood is one of sacrifice. Sleepless nights, stretch marks and cold dinners. A call to love more than we knew we were ever capable of. A call to model joy and patience even when it seems to be running thin.

Writing at CatholicMom today reflecting on this very topic. These are the days when the true meaning of sacrifice is found. Loving when it is hard to show love. Being patient when we are on our last thread. Showing joy when the feeling of exhaustion and frustration has set in.

This is my body, which will be given for you. (Luke 22:19)

Christmastime

Merry Christmas!! The season always seems to be here and gone before I even realize it. Trees are already out on the curb and lights turned off. While we are still in the octave of Christmas, the season is fleating.

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day came and went and our long anticipated stay with family was over all too quickly. When I went to bed on Christmas night I was reflecting on how fast the time went, wondering if I really entered into the mystery. Was I fully present at Christmas Eve Mass or just distracted by the circus that Mass can usually become with 5 children.

Have I allowed Christmas to transform my heart or was it just another holiday I celebrated that won’t be given a second thought until it comes upon me again next year. Have I allowed the Christ child to change my life. Christmas comes and goes, but do we take the Christ child with us. The love that is poured out from the manger, has it truly radiated my being. I am still pondering these questions as I gaze on the tiny babe who transformed the world.

I proclaim to you good news of great joy:

today a Savior is born for us,

Christ the Lord. Lk 2:10-11

To Have Faith

This weekend these two turn 10 years old and 2 months old!! They are my bookends and it melts my heart to see the immense love Kolbe has for Briella. I cannot believe how fast the time has gone!! So many emotions in just one picture.

It feels like just yesterday I was in the hospital giving birth yet somehow two months have disappeared. If only the last two months of pregnancy would go by that quickly and the first two months of life be frozen in time.

Five years ago I was blowing out candles on a birthday cake at our adoption shower for a son I had never met, but who had already won my heart! Five candles for an amazing little boy, who upon seeing just a few pictures of him instantly captured my heart with his big brown eyes. I blew out his candles and made a wish for him 5,000 miles apart.

We didn’t eat any of the cake that day, but instead put it in the freezer, so when the time would come that we would finally be together we could enjoy it as a family. We celebrated his 5th birthday not knowing that in just three weeks we would be flying across the world and he would be in my arms forever!!

And now to see him this weekend blowing out his own candles, ten candles surrounded by a fan club of siblings. A sight I never thought I would see just a short six years ago.

From the time Kolbe could speak English he prayed fervently for a baby sister. He had no idea of Aaron and I’s struggle, so I simply told him that maybe someday in the future we would adopt a little girl. He proved me wrong. God heard his prayer. Prayers filled with complete child-like trust and faith. Faith with no reservations or hints of doubt. Faith with full abandonment knowing that God would answer. And when we told the boys a few short months later that I was pregnant, Kolbe knew the baby was a girl.

The Gospel reading from Friday ties in so perfectly. Faith that knows God will answer. Not only will he answer, but he will open our eyes. He will open our eyes to see the marvels and wonders performed in our midst. Open our eyes to his goodness, his unending love. And upon seeing, our lives will be radically transformed.

When he entered the house,
the blind men approached him and Jesus said to them,
“Do you believe that I can do this?”
“Yes, Lord,” they said to him.
Then he touched their eyes and said,
“Let it be done for you according to your faith.”
And their eyes were opened.

Matthew 9:27-29

Easter People

I figure the title is still relevant being we are technically still in the Easter season. We have been adhering to the mandate of celebrating the last few weeks, leaving me a bit exhausted along with looking more 30 weeks instead of 19. In the past I have been a strict no caffeine person while pregnant and nursing, not even a drop. Not sure if it’s my advanced maternal age, chasing around four other children or the lack of sleep that has driven me to enjoy cups of the fully dieseled kind.

Well we made it, hosted two major celebrations both of 30 people or more all within a two week time frame and came out free of any major meltdowns on my part. What I learned, hosting makes you keep your house clean and beyond. Cleaning out of the normal routine; washing the outside of windows, scrubbing down outside doors, washing the walls and no matter how hard I try my patio door will always have little hand smudges on it.

In addition to Easter, this past weekend Ethan made his First Holy Communion. He was sooo excited and kept saying, “this is the best day of my life!” With all the rush of preparing for the weekend I hadn’t taken a lot of time just to reflect on his day not to mention Mass always being a circus in our pew, so I was taken a bit off guard by my emotions. I was surprised when I found my eyes filling up with tears of joy as I watched him receive Jesus for the first time. In that moment all seemed to stand still there was a beautiful period of silence in our pew and I was able to just close my eyes and bow my head as I prayed for my son.

The psalm from today’s readings spoke poignantly to my heart as I reflected on the words.

Shout joyfully to God, all the earth,
sing praise to the glory of his name;
proclaim his glorious praise.
Say to God, “How tremendous are your deeds!”

Psalm 66: 2-3

As I reflect on the past few weeks, months and years how can I not say how tremendous are His deeds, how can my very being refrain from shouting joyfully. The weekend after Easter I happened to run into a priest who once served at our parish. He knew Aaron and I prior to children and asked how my family was doing. My mind quickly raced back to Holy Saturday Vigil eight years ago. I had just found out I was miscarrying for the third time and I remember the exact pew we were sitting in.

During the homily the priest talked about how in our lives after every Good Friday there is an Easter Sunday, although we may not always see the Easter Sunday in our lifetime. I sat there holding Aaron’s hand so tightly as tears ran down my face. As my heart questioned when I would ever see Easter Sunday, when would I experience the joy. All I know is Good Friday as once again another baby is taken from me. Will there ever be an Easter Sunday in my life to follow all of this pain?

There I stood now years later telling him we were preparing to welcome our fifth child. I had to recount bodies in my house as five children sounds unthinkable to me. This, this is my Easter Sunday.