We are just about to the 10 month mark of being a family!! I am constantly amazed at how well our sons have adjusted and how our family has molded together. Every month I look back and am in awe of everything new they are learning and all that I have to learn yet. Still after 10 months I am finding out I am still a rookie at all of this.

I realize I have said this before, but it seems like our sons have been in our lives forever not just 10 months. They have stolen my heart and it will never be the same. Life seems so natural, that I easily forget the reality of how short 10 months really is.

From not knowing how to hold a crayon to perfectly coloring in the lines. From not speaking English to now knowing how to read. Yes, they have learned so, so much. Yet, during our school day I realize how much I take for granted assuming they already know. Reminders for me of the need to sometimes slow down and keep in mind it has only been 10 months.

As much as they are learning I feel as if I am learning just as much if not more. I am learning about myself and how to give completely and selflessly. I am learning how to advocate for my sons and to be proactive, always thinking one step ahead about what their needs may be.

I wish this wasn’t part of the learning curve, but I am also learning how to respond to rude comments and intrusive questions from strangers. So often I forget that our family looks different until a stranger finds it their business to remind me and in front of our sons. As much as it sets my mama bear roaring I am learning that my response is setting the stage for how my sons will respond in the future.

When the hard days come and the moments when I fail, I too need to remind myself I have only been doing this for 10 months. I am still a rookie. It’s okay to not have all of the answers, to not be the perfect mom. As much as I wish I was, it continually gives me something daily to strive for.

Still more important than my perfection is that every day our sons know the unconditional and unending love we have for them. Although we may not share the same nose or eyes, we share something much deeper. We share a bond that will not be broken and I pray that when they encounter difficulty or confusion they know the love that goes deeper. A love forever blazed in our hearts for them and a love from their Creator which cannot be fathomed.

(And just when I think I will have this parenting thing down, it will be a whole new ball game when we welcome a newborn in February and the learning curve will start completely over and I mean completely.)

It seems as if they have been in our lives forever, at moments reminding myself that it has only been six months. Still I feel like the past six months have been a blink of the eye, finding it hard to believe that amount of time has already past.

Over six months ago we welcomed our sons home and began our life together as a family of four. Never could I have imagined the joy and love that would enter and rest in my heart! We truly are the ones blessed to have them as our sons, to care for them and every day hear their laughter!

Although I feel like we have settled into a somewhat normal routine and sleep schedule, as a mother to boys I know not the adventure each day will bring.

How many scrapes need bandages and kisses. How many pitches I will throw or bases we will run. How many books we will read or games we will repeatedly play. How many heart to heart conversations we will have or uncontrollable giggles shared.

Just last week the boys came in with these flowers picked just for mommy. They wanted me to find a vase to put them in. They continually brought me flowers almost every day for the entire week! Needless to say they melted and stole my heart all over again!!

Their thoughtfulness helped me to realize that although I am not a perfect mom I am enough for them. Over six months in and I will be the first to admit that there are nights I go to bed wishing I could do a part of the day over. Perhaps a situation where I should have shown more love, listened more carefully or displayed more patience.

As I lay my head on the pillow I am thankful for God’s grace and the new day to follow. Another chance to try to live my vocation to motherhood in a more excellent way. Every day stretched, called to higher virtue, greater love and more patience.

It has been through these six months that I reflect on how much my sons have shaped me and challenged me to truly live an authentic life. By being their mother I live more fully, striving daily to be the best version of myself. I have seen myself grow, thinking less of myself and focusing more on radiating the abundance of Christ’s love to them.

I am so grateful for every second shared these past six months!

For so many years Mother’s Day was always a day I somewhat dreaded. It always just seemed to serve as a reminder of what I didn’t have, what I was lacking and the longing to fill the emptiness. When the mothers were asked to stand at church for a blessing I clenched my teeth and fought back the tears from streaming.

This year we will celebrate Mother’s Day as a family of four. Instead of tears of sorrow there will be tears of joy. In gratitude for the two amazing boys who have given me the name mommy! Who have filled my heart with a new love and joy beyond anything I could have imagined. Who have called me to a deeper love and service, even at all hours of the night.

The honor, privilege and blessing continues to humble me. The road was not easy and the cross not light, but I would not trade any of it for the moments I share with them every single day. They are truly a gift!!

Yet I cannot let this Mother’s Day pass by without thinking of and honoring the women who gave my sons life. The women who first loved them and were the first to look in their beautiful brown eyes.

As much as I am beyond grateful to hear two little voices call me mommy, a part of me feels for those who were their first. Not more than a day passes where I don’t pray for them and wonder how they are doing. I grieve for the loss caused by brokenness and sin in our world that has not allowed families to live as God has intended.

Yet because of loss our roads have crossed and I can do nothing more than thank God for allowing me to be their mommy. To hold them tightly and shower them with a love so deep and so wide.

To the women who first held us, the women who help guide us and the women who inspire us along the way. To the women who long to be a mother, the women who have lost a child, the women who heroically choose life and entrust that life to someone else. May you all have a most blessed and joyous Mother’s Day!