I am a doer by nature, making lists, making a list for my lists. My mind always racing to the next thing that needs to get done or next place to go. I am a Martha always busying myself with something to do. When it comes to entertaining I am in the kitchen rather than enjoying my guests. When it comes to motherhood I always seem to be busy with a task while watching my children play.
Being a stay at home mom one would think I have so much time to just be, more often than not I manage to fill it with something leaving very little time for being. I go through the day and base my success on how many items I cross off my to-do list or what was accomplished rather than if time was spent just loving on those placed in my life.
This weekend some of our plans fell through leaving almost the entirety of Saturday and all of Sunday completely open. I had cleaned the house earlier in the week and was comfortably caught up on the laundry. The fridge was filled with leftovers, so I wasn’t stressing about dinner.
The older boys were gone Saturday morning and Caden’s teething had me up all night, so I decided to lay down with the little ones for their nap and ended falling asleep for a good two hours! I woke up to Aaron and the boys playing outside. The weather was gorgeous so I decided to take Caden and Grace out as well and my to-do list became history (until Monday).
It ended up being a weekend of carefree timelessness. Spending time together as a family without anywhere to go or any agenda to follow. Halfway through the weekend I admitted to Aaron that I was struggling a little to let myself continue to just be. He laughed and said he was a bit surprised himself and was wondering how I was handling it.
To be present to my family without needless interruptions. Interruptions and tasks that I create on my own behalf. Stress that I place on my shoulders as I strive to live up to a false ideal of perfection. Feeling the pressure of our fast paced society to constantly be doing while neglecting the just being.
As I reflect back on the last few days I need to remind myself that my children aren’t going to remember whether the floors were vacuumed or all of the laundry put away. Rather it will be the time spent and the memories made that will stay with them.
With summer approaching I hope to fill our days with carefree timelessness, simply being together. I am going to strive to fight the false notion that I battle which says that our summer will only be successful if we are constantly doing. Here is to focusing on being.
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