everyday Ann

living the ordinary seeing the extraordinary

As Our Hearts Ponder

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School day number 4 in the books and we still seem to be adjusting to the new routine, not to mention that on day 3 I was already late for pick-up. I am also finding the need to come up with coping strategies come 3:45 when are are all together again and chaos seems to hit. Yesterday every single child was in tears between 4:00 and 5:00. Working on adjusting to everything being new again.

Writing at Catholic Mom this week for all of our mama hearts as we send our children back to school. Keeping all of you mothers in prayer as sometimes the transition is so much harder on us.

When God Says Give More

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The days when God asks you to give a little more and you wonder how you will make it through. You just spent the entire night rocking and holding your sick baby, so they could be in a more comfortable position because as soon as you lay them in their crib they scream in pain. When you finally get settled for an hour of sleep the toddler wakes up, your jaw clenches as you try to get them their drink of water.

Morning comes all too quickly and it seems as if you would rather hide under the covers than face the day. Nothing that a two cup of fully caffeinated coffee can’t help. Only you haven’t been drinking caffeine, so after the jolt you are left feeling a little shaky and nauseated instead of energized.

Made it to lunch, nap time is right around the corner and you cannot wait to sneak in a 30 minute snooze while the little ones sleep. Only today they decide that their nap time will not coincide and your glimmer of hope is gone. You begin to countdown the hours until the second shift steps in. Five hours and counting, slamming LaCroix because it’s the next best thing to wine.

Dinner becomes well balanced with a bag of tator-tots, sandwiches and cucumbers because nobody ever said this was a five star kitchen. Your relief walks in the door and you use everything in your power to not run out while you have the chance.

Bedtime approaches only to find the toddler spiked a high fever meaning another sleepless night. Two sick kiddos and the weekend plans went out the door, your only opportunity at having a social life and communication with the outside world. In addition the four day family vacay that you spent all week packing and prepping for gets canceled.

Some days God definitely ask me to give a little more, sometimes a lot more. When I think I have given all of my love, time, sleep and energy to my family I find God stretching me even more. At moments to the point of exhaustion, ready to throw in the towel.

Then I remember that this, this is my vocation. Sleepless nights, rocking babies, cancelling plans is all part of God’s plan to make me holy. His plan to etch away the selfishness that still consumes me, the comfort that I take for granted and the need to feel in control of my plans.

Motherhood is my path to heaven if I can just accept the difficulties alongside with the joys. To see God’s grace even in the moments that leave me giving more than I think I am capable of. He gave more, He gave all.

Seeing the Hand of God

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I am a person who gets anxious easily, find myself worrying over what I cannot control and fretting over minor details. Within the past few years since having children I have gotten a lot better, because we all know there is no predictability with little ones. Still I find myself daily working on tempering my undue worry and learning to let go.

Aaron and I host a couples group and at one of our meetings Sister brought to our attention that anxiety stems from a lack of trust and not willing to let go of our own will. (Did I mention I have a few stubborn threads in me as well.)

An inability to let go of my own will, plan and desires and trust that no matter what happens during the day from the small occurrences to the large events there is something greater. Learning to trust that all of the worries that consume our hearts and minds are not unseen or unheard because there is someone greater.

Someone greater who hears our concerns, our hearts restlessness, our discontent. Someone greater that no matter what the trial may be is still present. Not just present watching over us but truly present, making Himself known.

We have a God who loves us, who is actively a part of our lives. Through the thick and the thin of it He has our back. And if we quiet ourselves enough and let our anxiety rest we can see the hand of God.

A few months ago we started a new tradition at the dinner table asking each person how they saw God’s love revealed to them that day. In what way they saw the hand of God. In an effort to help our children recognize that we have a loving God who daily shows His love to us if we only open our hearts and minds to see. A God who participates in our lives.

All too often we fall into focusing on what went wrong, what didn’t get done, or what needs to be accomplished instead of reflecting on the gifts, the beauty, the love. While we busy ourselves with distractions we miss the beauty that God reveals to us each and every day.

From the small moments that only we recognize as God reads our hearts to the larger ones revealing his love for all to see.

Here are a few ways I have seen the hand of God the past few days:

Aaron pulling college hours this weekend to paint three rooms for me.
Having a park all to ourselves and wasting hours together as a family.
Receiving unexpected financial aid for school tuition.
Waking up early and seeing my seven year old kneeling next to the couch and praying the rosary for his friend.

Lord, may I truly have eyes that see your love.

What ways have you seen God’s love this week be it small or large?

Having It All

I was shocked when I read the headlines last week of Kate Spade taking her own life. Not that I know her, her state of life or health, but from an outsider looking in she had it all. She had fame, success, wealth, beauty and the list goes on. She had everything that our culture defines as bringing happiness. Everything that so many spend their entire life trying to have a small taste of.

How could one not be happy, all of the standards were met. Many dream and would give almost anything for the fame and wealth she had acquired. Judging by the standards of our culture what could be missing. She had built an empire.

I don’t own any Kate Spade merchandise, but I enjoy looking at her classy yet stylish purses to her statement and fashionable accessories. I enjoy beautiful things, from clothing, accessories to home decor. I like looking at the latest fashion or dreaming up new ways to turn my home into something pinterest worthy.

Sometimes I find myself falling into the materialism we are bombarded with. Wondering if my shoes from last summer are too dated or if my blouse is looking drab. Perhaps if I just had a new purse, new phone, new shoes. Thinking life would be easier if we just had a bigger house. If I don’t catch myself it is left consuming my thoughts. All of it racing around in my mind and becoming a god, causing me to lose focus.

What our culture offers isn’t enough. We chase after the next, the newest and the best, only left feeling unsettled. Perhaps for a moment it brings us happiness, but the happiness is fleeting. When the short lived high wears off we are left only wanting more and simply start the cycle all over again.

So many people walk around unhappy without true joy. Thinking that someday when they have what they want then and only then will they experience happiness. In our society materialism has become a god.  A god we are grasping at, trying to earn only to have it slip through our fingers time and time again. A god we hope will bring joy to our lives.

We all have a yearning. A yearning for the good, the true and the beautiful. As much as we seek worldly gains to fill us only the God who made us can satisfy our longings. The God who is love will bring us true joy that will not be shaken by trends, wealth and fame.

Our hearts are restless until they rest in you. – St. Augustine

He Is Risen Indeed

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Happy and Joyous Easter! He is Risen, Alleluia!!

Over at Catholic Mom today writing about the hope that the Resurrection brings.

After every Good Friday we are met with Easter Sunday. No matter the cross, no matter the struggle. Every cross carried will someday be lifted, someday made glorious. It may not be in three days, in three years or even in our lifetime. But the hope is real, the promise is ours!