everyday Ann

living the ordinary seeing the extraordinary

A Decade Ago

This month Aaron and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. It was a warm 45 degree day, nothing compared to the blizzard we were married in. Crazy to think a decade has gone by and seven years of it without kids. What did we do with our time before kids?

Our journey did not play out the way we had written it 10 years ago, because God had something much more beautiful in store. His plan hidden to us as we learned to let go of control and truly trust. A process that tested our faith and marriage and brought us to our knees. To say we didn’t have hard times would be a lie, many days I felt so alone. Feeling like it was God who abandoned me and a husband who didn’t understand the pain.

Through it all Aaron has been my rock, the one who lifts me up and brings me back to Jesus. The one who says the prayers for me when my lips couldn’t formulate the words. The one who would make me smile even during the tears. Today he is the most wonderful father, who is incredibly patient with the children and me when I lose my sanity.

Our faith and marriage refined by fire for 7 years, strengthening our trust in God and our bond with each other. I can look back now and see how much we have both grown individually and together. We now see the beautiful fruit and pretend we know what we are doing parenting 4 kiddos!!

I laugh at my naiveness, when we first got married I had big plans for our 10 year anniversary, a second honeymoon, perhaps even a trip back to Hawaii. Now with four kids we found it hard to find the time to even get away for a couple of hours without them. Making it 15 minutes into dinner before getting a phone call that Grace was crying for mama and wouldn’t stop. At least Caden got the memo and was an enjoyable dinner guest sleeping in my arms the entire time. Happy Anniversary Aaron!! Here is to the next decade together whatever it may bring!

Eight Years Later

On Tuesday Aaron and I celebrated our eighth wedding anniversary! Eight years!! Cliche as it is, the time has flown!

Aaron & Cassie's Wedding (1) 710

This year was much different than the previous years and not just because of the warm weather and rain compared to the usual snow we see. We didn’t do anything out of the ordinary. Dinner out and a movie when we got home.

We happened to go to the same restaurant we did three years ago on our anniversary, except then the circumstances and day were overshadowed by grief and hardship. In 2012 we sat at our anniversary dinner having just found out that I had an ectopic pregnancy.

Completely scared, frightened and losing hope of the dream of ever having children. At the time questioning God’s plan. Wondering if His presence was near or when I would ever feel like my prayers were being heard. Never imaging the blessings He had planned in the years to come.

The cross of infertility and miscarriage is hard on marriages and unfortunately leads many couples to the road of divorce. I am the first to admit that the past seven years were not easy on our marriage. Although there was a lot of joy and love we also had a lot of grief and heartache to navigate through. Yet it was in the cross that our marriage has been strengthened, that we have grown closer together and fallen more in love.

I am blessed to have shared the moments, the joys and sorrows, with an amazing husband. One who has been my rock, given me strength and my calm in the storm. One who has knelt down and prayed next to me when I could not utter the words.

This year we were accompanied by two extra dinner guests (the boys were so excited to dress up and join us) and lots of movement from a sweet girl I can’t wait to meet! My heart could not help but rejoice!! Rejoice in the love that has multiplied in our marriage with the blessing of children. Rejoice in God’s goodness and faithfulness. Rejoice in a plan far beyond one I could imagine.

My heart has been so full this week! Seven years praying for the blessing of children and now in one years time being entrusted with three!!

As I spent a brief time in prayer Tuesday morning the words I read struck my heart. “How great is Your love; how deep are Your designs oh God. We see devastation; God sees the seeds of new life. Walk by faith not by sight. Let your heart dare to hope!”

I pray that during this advent season as we prepare and await for Christmas, it will be a season of hope. A hope that does not fade or weary. Instead a hope that brings peace knowing God will bring life and light out of the darkness.

They Call Him Daddy!

I have to follow up my Mother’s Day post with a special tribute to my other half. The man who has held me up, comforted me, served me, been my rock and continually leads me spiritually. The one who is the father to our children, aka daddy!!

IMG_1450

The boys love their daddy so much and follow him everywhere when he is home! Wanting to be involved and trying to help out in all of his yard work, gardening, car maintenance and whatever else needs work around the house.

One thing I didn’t realize when we became parents is how much more I would fall in love with my husband seeing him shine as a father. His ever present caring, patient and gentle spirit as he teaches, corrects and plays with the boys.

He’s my sure relief at 5:30. A fresh set of legs energized and ready to chase the boys, tackle, play catch and make them roll on the floor laughing. Not to mention do the dishes after dinner!

When I asked him what he wanted for Father’s Day he said a family gathering for his parents, honoring his own father on the day and his mother who just turned 80. So we celebrated with 25 people at our house.

Even though it was his day to relax, take off and enjoy time with his family he was in the kitchen helping me clean up, do dishes and put the house back in order. He has a servant’s heart.

He may have gritted his teeth a bit in allowing me to post this, but it only reflects his humility!

7 Years!

Today we celebrate our 7th Wedding Anniversary!!! So incredibly hard to believe that it has already been seven years!! Not sure how I will react when we reach the decade mark, I guess we aren’t newlyweds anymore! It seems like yesterday, yet it’s hard to imagine my life before he was in it.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Looking at our wedding pictures we look like kids, so young with the world set before us. Filled with so many dreams and completely unaware of how God would shape us, form us and draw us into a deeper union.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

For some reason this anniversary seems much more emotional for me than years past. It’s more than just a number. I think the tears come from reflecting on the losses, heartaches and trials we have been through and at the same time completely filled with gratitude for our story.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

The man who has held me up, dried my tears and walked every step with me. Knowing we have rose above and because of it our marriage has been strengthened. At the same time tears of joy as I think of our future together and the beautiful little boys God has called us to adopt. And a smile instantly fills my face at the very thought of how wonderful a father I know he will be!

 

Saying “I Do”

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAWedding season is upon us, the flowers in bloom, the birds chirping and love is in the air. The romance and devotion as couples gaze into their beloved’s eyes, completely swept off their feet.

The day they have been dreaming of finally arrives as they walk down the aisle without a care in the world. With family and friends gathered around they are united for life as they state their vows and say “I do”.

Over six years ago my husband and I stood at the altar, although no birds were chirping as we married in a December blizzard. We had rehearsed the words and went through multiple days of marriage preparation, understanding the sacrament and covenant we were about to enter into.

Filled with dreams and so much hope, we recited the vows not knowing at all the course our lives would take in the years to come. With anticipation we looked forward to starting a family together, both having no idea the struggle and heartache that would soon present itself.

Now six years later I never imagined we would still be trying to build a family, have suffered numerous miscarriages, multiple surgeries and doctor appointments trying to find answers. I never expected we would feel the call and joy so strongly in our hearts to adopt as we do today. It wasn’t how we thought the story would write, our plan was much different.

We thought we had it all figured out. We would wait six months or so after our wedding until we felt settled in, buy our first house, nine months later we would have a baby and I would be a stay-at-home mom.

Sometimes I think about whether anything would have been different on that day if we had known what we know now. In the past I have allowed doubt to creep in and wondered if my husband would marry me again, now knowing that I will probably never be able to bear him children. Of course I know the answer and his undying love for me. Still I wish I could go back to 23 year old me and say be ready, hang on, trust and allow God to fulfill your dreams.

I know there are couples who have gone through so much more, have experienced greater struggles, anguish and distress and my heart truly goes out to them. There are so many who throughout their years of marriage have endured such heavy crosses. Some unbearable at times, still love flourishes.

I think in a way it’s a grace that we are blinded by love in our innocence, not knowing the road that lies ahead. It’s a blessing that God doesn’t give us a screenshot of the future, but only asks us to take one step at a time.

The “I do” is only the beginning, the first moments of life together. It’s being sent forth and building the marriage from that day forward. Uniting as one in love and faith builds a foundation for when the road becomes rocky.

Through marriage preparation we learn the words to say and the meaning behind them, but it’s after the “I do” that we live them. They seem to be only words until we have experienced them in the everyday encounters. It’s in the daily “I do” that the marriage covenant is lived out. In the daily yes to someone else and no to our selfishness and sin the sacrament thrives.

In reality our married life together thus far is only a small portion, God willing of life yet to come. Decades more of joy, love and laughter and moments of tears, sorrow and struggle. Relying on the grace of the sacrament to carry us through, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love and honor all the days of our life.

Saying “I do” not knowing what the future holds, but trusting and knowing who holds the future.