everyday Ann

living the ordinary seeing the extraordinary

Beauty and Bod

With the weather getting warmer and wishes for summer to be upon us, thoughts of shedding the winter weight and getting back into shape fill our minds. Stores are now full of summer apparel including entire sections of swimsuits.  As much as I enjoy shopping I dread trying to find a swimsuit.  Having to look at myself in 360 degree mirrors, finding it impossible to squeeze into the tightest spandex as it compresses my body and not able to find one that will somehow make me look like that flawless model in the ads.

The Today show is currently featuring “Love Your Selfie” week; I found the following research according to Dove very disconcerting.

Nine out of 10 women have felt badly when looking in the mirror, yet they look at their reflections an average of six times a day. In fact, the study found that women spend 50 minutes every day looking in the mirror.

A few years ago I attended a women’s conference where we were each given a hand held mirror.  We had to look at ourselves in it for what seemed like an eternity, but in reality it was only a minute or two.  Really looking at ourselves, not fixing our hair or makeup or critiquing our crooked teeth, big nose, small lips, etc.  Looking at ourselves, surpassing surface level into the depths of who we really are.  It seems like such a simple exercise, but actually was really difficult to do.

We live in a culture where we are constantly bombarded by a hijacked concept of what beauty is.  From TV, magazines, billboards you name it; our subconscious is filled with images we are told we need to emulate and model.

Often as women we give way to these unrealistic expectations, how we must look and what the number on the scale must say.  The focus is so much on weight and appearance that the important factor of just being healthy is lost in the propaganda.  It’s the feeling of satisfaction after a good workout or the energy you have after a good night’s rest, the feeling of self control after saying no to the second piece of cake or third scoop of ice cream.

weight-scale cropIt’s easy to fall into the trap of never being content with our weight even if it’s the lowest we may have been in awhile; it seems our society will still tell us it’s never good enough.  I read a story last week of a girl who had been told most of her life she was underweight, at a recent modeling interview they said she measured as plus-size.

Our feeling of self worth and joy can’t be controlled by a number on the scale.  We are whole and complete by our very nature, but do we also see ourselves as such.  Stretch marks, scars, flaws and all, its part of our story, part of our journey.  The stretch marks making room for life’s greatest miracle, the scars that mark renewed health, our unique traits and features that truly set us apart.

I encourage you to try looking in the mirror, to the core of your being; the beauty, grace, splendor and greatness of who you are!

7 Random Takes

eco-easter-eggs1. I love the fact that Easter is not just a one day celebration, but 8 days to party filled with joy and glory!  Here’s my Easter recap on hosting the in-laws.  What are your favorite Easter traditions?  What were some of your memorable moments from the weekend?

2. I made a delectable cheesecake for Easter, which I intended to share the recipe, but in the haste of getting ready I never took a picture of the final product.  We happen to have the homemade strawberry sauce left, so my husband suggested I just make another cheesecake; I can get a picture of the masterpiece and use up the leftover sauce.  There are only two of us to eat 16 servings, Easter gluttons?

Fire-Extinguisher-Emergency-Sign-S-16693. The Monday morning before Easter we woke up to snow covering the ground and not just a little bit either.  And by Monday night I almost burned our house down!  I was making potato wedges for dinner, drizzled or perhaps doused with olive oil, while flipping them one fell onto the bottom of the oven.  Panicked, I froze up and just yelled for my husband who was downstairs, as the potato started shooting out sparks and tiny flames.  It felt like an eternity before he heard my cry for help; thankfully he got the situation under control.  When all was said and done he commented, “I thought the yell sounded a little different from the usual, ‘dinner is ready!’ and you know you could have just turned the oven off.”

4. We went from being a wildlife sanctuary to needing to call pest control.  In recent weeks we have found mice and several mice nests that were built over the winter around our yard.  My husband asked if I wanted a picture for my blog…uh, we’ll pass on the rodent portraits.

917709225. Hangry, why wait?  I was happy to see a scientific study published last week to excuse my lack of self-control and impoliteness that seems to make an appearance right before dinner time. There’s just this small window of time between getting home from work and making dinner, where I seem to feel ridiculously hungry and the only answer is a bag of chips, a full bag of chips as I prepare a healthy dinner.

6. One thing is a constant throughout the adoption process, that every time I think I have this whole waiting and trusting thing down, something seems to happen which shows how far off I really am.  I guess it’s a good thing as it will keep us striving, trying and longing to better ourselves.  To become more fully alive and living life to the full!

7. “Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song.” — Pope John Paul II

I feel like my quick takes become more random each time, go visit Jen for a more cohesive post.

Infertility Awareness Week

To the women who are longing, grieving, desiring…

Spring is a season filled with new life, from the joy of Easter, the warmer air and sunshine after the dead of winter, to new blooms and buds springing up from the earth.  But as the earth and all that is in it reechoes this mantra, for some women it may only serve as a reminder of the life they are not able to carry within them.

As women we have an emptiness inside of us made to be filled with new life; to carry, nourish and give birth to new creation.  This is a beautiful gift and natural longing. When for one reason or another it doesn’t happen, it instead leaves us feeling empty and so alone.  It can lead to grief and anger, and sometimes even resentment for our very bodies that seem to be continually failing us.

You are not alone, 1 in 8 couples struggle to have children due to infertility.  Infertility affects many couples, but often it is not something readily discussed or talked about.  Many women feel alone, because it can be hard to find someone in their circle of family or friends who may be able to relate.

You have a right to grieve, even when it seems like your feelings are dismissed. Comments from others may seem insensitive and harsh, underlying the person has good intention, but may not know the correct words to say.  Don’t take them personally, they are more unlikely trying to offer comfort in the best way they know how.

You are beautifully and wonderfully made, although it seems something is lacking, you are whole and complete. 

 

Easter Recap

Happy Easter!!!  Truly a joyous time of year filled with hope and new life!

As I mentioned a few weeks back, we decided to host Easter for my husband’s family this year.  We came to a grand total of 35 people.  In preparation my niece gave me this advice, “Just throw candy out the window like it’s a Christmas parade. People won’t even come in the house!”  Although it may have kept our house clean and tidy, the forecast was rain, rain and more rain.

And the forecast was right, it ended up being a cold, gloomy, rainy, wet day…

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But that didn’t stop the party, my husband just decided to bring it into the garage and the kids had a blast!

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Although our house looked more of the likes of a restaurant than living quarters, there was plenty of food to go around and sugar!  Come to the Everts’ where your kids are guaranteed to be filled with copious amounts of sugar, free of charge.

There was much joy and laughter shared by all and dare I put it in writing that I would even consider hosting the clan again.  The night ended on the couch with a piece of pie and 2 perhaps 3 scoops of ice cream (really who’s counting) while the clean up crew (aka husband) came in and took over.  All in all, I say success!

Navigating Marriage After Miscarriage

Aaron & Cassie's Wedding (1) 684It was the day before Christmas Eve and I was 12 weeks pregnant. My husband and I were waiting in the ER to hear the test results that in our minds we already knew the answer to, but as he held my hand we hung onto every last thread of hope. As the doctor came in and sat next to my bed, the tears streamed down, he told us that we had lost our first baby. I looked at my husband and he began to cry, it was the first time I had seen him moved to such sorrow.

That afternoon we held each other, shared tears and grieved over the child we dreamed of meeting, but would never hold. The days to come were supposed to be ones of much joy, but the grief didn’t leave and I did everything in my willpower to fight the tears during Christmas Mass. I noticed however that as my husband continued to comfort me, I no longer saw any tears from him and his grief seemed to have dissipated. As the weeks went on I continued to mourn and tried to understand why this happened. I began to grow frustrated; it seemed to me that my husband had already gotten over the loss. The questions filled my mind, why does he no longer appear sad, did he not love this baby, how could he just get over it, doesn’t he understand what happened?

Needless to say arguments ensued as we tried to understand each other’s feelings. Unfortunately, it probably wasn’t until our third miscarriage when we were finally able to comprehend how we each grieved in our own way. As mothers we are so fortunate to have the instant bond with the child developing inside of us and for the fathers it comes about much more gradually as the pregnancy progresses.

My husband’s grief was seeing me suffer, not being able to take away my pain or lift me out of my sadness. His frustration came in wanting things back to normal, just wanting his wife back. Once I understood that he wasn’t dismissing my sorrow, but only trying to help me out of it, it made the healing process come about more smoothly. I would even try to laugh at one of his jokes, just to give him a little comfort that I was going to be okay.

It seems cliché to say, men and women grieve differently, but far too often we don’t understand it or take the time to communicate as to how so. Studies have shown that there is an increase in separation and divorce after miscarriage, and I am continually hearing stories of this being the case. According to a recent study, couples are 22% more likely to breakup after a miscarriage. When I think about it, it doesn’t really surprise me, this child came into being because of your love and it is love that seems shattered after the loss. Someone is missing and it’s learning how to put the pieces back together when a piece of you is no longer there.

Be patient with your spouse. Don’t give up. Realize and respect that each is grieving in their own way. Listen and be patient. It may not be easy, but cling to one another and be patient. Take the time to communicate authentically and express your feelings. Schedule a few more date nights and focus on your relationship. Reach out to other couples, who have been through similar experiences, it’s always good to know you are not alone in what you are feeling.  Looking back we know that as difficult as these times were, they brought us closer together.  It’s making your way through the storm to enjoy the sunrise.