In my mind I had the evening all planned out. Aaron was out for a few hours with the boys and Grace was ready for an early bedtime after missing her afternoon nap. I had a list of things I wanted to accomplish after putting her to bed and having silence in the house. I sat down to write a post and soon after I hear Grace crying from her room. I go in comfort her and get her back to sleep. Fifteen minutes later she wakes up screaming, same routine. Thirty minutes later I do it all again.
One of the harder lessons of motherhood is my time is not mine whether it be day or night. You are at the status of always being wanted by the little ones in your house and while I appreciate the fact that my children find comfort in my being with them at 4:00am there are days when it starts to weigh on you. It never fails every time I plan to get up early to get a head start on the day Grace always seems to have the same idea.
Don’t get me wrong I absolutely love and adore my children and love being a mom. It’s just that some days are really hard. There may be no particular reason. Sometimes it’s everything adding up, lack of sleep, lack of balance, lack of adult conversations, lack of sunlight and warm weather. When I feel myself getting to my breaking point we switch scenery fast, if weather permits go outside or load everyone in the van to walk around a store or take an afternoon drive.
In any state of life there will be moments when the days are difficult, but I have found that the vocation of motherhood has with it an even higher calling. We are called to completely give of ourselves at any moment of the day and to do so joyfully and with great love. Not an easy task and something I have fell short of many of times, but an ideal I will daily continue to strive for.
While the world devalues the importance of motherhood and tells us we aren’t living to our potential if we don’t have a professional title, what they don’t see is the souls we are shaping, the lives we are forming and the hearts we are teaching to love.
Some days it can feel like we are in the trenches, but it is the hard work, sacrifice and love that nobody notices, most times not even ourselves, that is making the most impact in the world.
“If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.” Mother Teresa
(My entertainment as I prepare dinner, music to my ears!)