living the ordinary seeing the extraordinary
I am over at Blessed Is She Blog today, sharing reflections and hope for those who find Mother’s Day to be a painful remembrance of what they don’t have, what their hearts still long for.
Humbled and honored to have my writing posted for such an amazing ministry.
Praying this week for those of you still dreaming and hoping to some day hear the word, Mama.
I often find myself thinking about my sons’ birthmothers, but in the past weeks it has also consumed my heart. Rushing over me with a wave of emotions. As we celebrate Mother’s Day this weekend I want to honor the women who gave my sons the gift of life.
To the ones who loved them first:
There are no words to express the sentiments I feel. Honored, humbled, privileged to be mothering your child. The love I have for them is undeniable as I lavish them with hugs. Yours is one much stronger as you put aside your wants to think of someone else.
As they fill my life with joy and laughter, their absence brings you grief. As I gaze everyday into their eyes, you dream of what they look like. As I tuck them safely into bed at night, you wonder where they are.
You may feel like you have been forgotten, but not a day goes by that your name is not spoken as we mention you in prayer. The topic is not hushed, but spoken about openly. You were a real part of their lives and whether you realize it or not you are still a very important piece of who they are.
When the questions arise, the whys, the need for understanding I tell them honestly, you are a hero. An unsung hero whose love is far greater than my comprehension. A sacrifice that I cannot fathom. They smile through the confusion as I retell the story of your love. And as they ask to hear it over and over it is not because they cannot remember, but rather they are writing it on their hearts.
I grieve the loss with them. The loss that you carry so quietly in your heart. The loss caused by brokenness in our world. The loss that has not allowed you to raise them.
The soul given to you, now entrusted to me. What an immense responsibility, an honor I will not let be diminished. I am grateful and humbled to have been chosen. The privilege is not lost.
Why our paths crossed I am not sure, but I promise to always aim for greatness. To raise them in a way that would make you proud. I have to be honest there are days that I fail, overreact or forget to enjoy the moment, but I will never give up striving to be the mother you hoped I could be.
They are growing, learning and blossoming. Embracing all that life has to offer and rising above when met with challenges. They are kind, generous, thoughtful, eager and loving. You should be proud. So proud of who they have become. For it was your loving embrace that first held them and gave them the opportunity to flourish.
I can’t imagine the grief you sometimes feel, but please know you will always be a part of them. As I look into their beautiful brown eyes the ones that you saw first, I see you and they do too. Your love has not gone unnoticed, your sacrifice will not be forgotten.
As mothers receive a special blessing at church this weekend, I will be standing in for you. I won’t pretend to take your place, because I can’t. I will always try my best at second, because you loved them first.
With all my love and gratitude,
An Adoptive Mother
A child born to another woman calls me mommy. The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of that privilege are not lost on me. -Jody Landers
This is a follow up to my post from a few months back Motherhood is Messy. I realize it could have come across sounding negative which was not my intention, but rather to build solidarity as we share in the hard days, the daily grind of it all. Yes, being a mom is difficult at times, exhausting and messy. It requires giving of ourselves completely at all hours of the day and night, but I wouldn’t trade it for a thing.
In a society where the focus is about rising to the top, having more and instant gratification it should not be surprising that motherhood is often looked down upon. Seen as an option for those who can’t make it, aren’t motivated or don’t have the intellectual ability to thrive in corporate America. All the more if you are populating more than the quota amount of offspring.
Sometimes I feel like writing “mom” on the occupation line of a form is not good enough or seem blushed and stumble over my words when I am asked what my career is. The responses that follow can often make you feel like crawling in a hole. The truth is they are missing what we are seeing.
Our children are a gift, all of them. Souls entrusted to our care with a great responsibility to someday return them to God. Lives on loan to us to love, care for, mold and shape.
They may write off mothers as weak, but what they don’t realize is we are the game changers. It is mothers who have the greatest power and influence to change the culture because we are raising the next generation. The next leaders, teachers, priests, politicians, police officers, CEO’s, and missionaries.
Motherhood is beautiful. The moments of wasting time reading and playing with our children, allowing the to-do list to be put on hold. Rocking the baby to sleep and just sitting there a bit longer to breath in the smell and kiss the soft cheeks just a few more times.
Having a dance party in the dining room as your older children act like they are embarrassed as their mother spins them in circles. The kids asking to have a sleepover on your bedroom floor just so they can be closer to you and in your presence.
Smiles beaming on their faces when they accomplish something new or finally hit the ball. The joy and sparkle in your children’s eyes as they make a wish and blow out their birthday candles.
The older boys sneaking in your room and quietly getting the baby out of his crib in the morning so mom can sleep a little longer. Watching the toddler mimic every single action in hopes of being just like you someday.
Being knocked over by ginormous bear hugs when you pick them up from school. Knowing you are the only one that can calm the toddler down in the middle of the night.
These moments are indeed beautiful and what a treasure that we are right in the middle of it. The pearls that the world does not see and chooses to write off as an inconvenience are the most prized possessions, richer than gold finer than silver. Truly a blessing to be called a mother.
Perhaps next time when I am asked what my occupation is I will respond with a bit more gusto. My career you ask, it is the most important in the world. I am a mom and it is amazingly beautiful!
If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.
-St. Teresa of Calcutta
This past Saturday Aaron was away at a conference, so I decided to venture out for the day with all four kiddos in tow. I wasn’t sure how the events of the day would unfold or how everyone would hold up.
Started with making pancakes from scratch, getting the kids fed, the little ones changed, the baby nursed, myself ready and out the door in time for Saturday morning Confession. We were off to a great start.
I was nervous about attempting Confession flying solo with all the kids, but we made it through the line and managed to be a minimal distraction to those waiting. Next stop the library and then out for lunch. I treated the kids to ice cream sundaes after lunch for such outstanding behavior on all fronts.
We nailed it! No tears, no fights, no tantrums. We nailed it and I hope everyone was watching. I hope everyone took notice. I don’t say it to sound prideful or egotistic, but whether we realize it or not we are being watched. Our parenting being scrutinized, our reactions being judged and our family size being critiqued.
I hope they noticed how quietly everyone waited. How helpful the boys were in holding doors open and making the little ones smile. How patiently everyone sat and how joyful the sound of children’s laughter.
I hope they noticed how beautiful family life is. I hope they saw a glimpse of the truth and recognized love. That a child is not a mere inconvenience, but a gift to family, the Church, society and the world.
No one commented on the children’s grand performance, but I hope they noticed. I could try the same exact outing next week and the outcome could be completely different and I know for certain everyone would be watching. The looks, eye rolls and comments would have been shared with me.
Everyone notices when I am attempting a balancing act through the parking lot, infant carrier in one arm, pushing the grocery cart with the other and growing annoyed as the toddler continually screams wanting to get out.
When I look exhausted and overwhelmed strangers tell me that I must be busy. When the little ones are crying and I look like I am about to lose it they tell me I must have my hands full. When I pick the biggest grocery cart to accommodate for the infant carrier, toddler and a weeks worth of groceries they tell me I better not have any more kids, gasping when I say this is only half of them.
We are being watched during the good days and bad. Whether my hair is combed or curled, clothes ironed or shirt stained, kids crying or laughing. I pray in each moment I can always have a smile and remain joyful, because we are the billboards for family life and I hope the message that I am leaving is a positive one.
I have officially been doing the mom gig now for three years and very much still trying to figure it all out. Having gone from zero to four kiddos in 2 1/2 years people ask us how we manage and do it. To be honest I feel like I am oftentimes just winging it and praying for the best. Of course feeling like we are starting over with the addition of each new child. (Did I mention the boys are now praying for twin sisters, should I be excited or terrified?!)
In no particular order here are seven ways we have found helpful to keep the household running smoothly, semi-organized and mostly stress-free.
1. Tidy up daily. If you walk into my house at any given moment during the day it will look like a tornado went through. Before dinner we do a quick pick up, everyone chips in and dad may never know the disaster that hit. Never go to bed with a sink full of dirty dishes. This is something that doesn’t bother Aaron, but instantly is a mood killer for me to wake up and see a sink full of dirty dishes.
2. Stick to a bedtime routine. Regardless if Aaron is working late or not, getting ready for bed begins at the same time every night. The boys know what they need to do, so if I am flying solo I can be getting the little ones ready at the same time.
3. Everyone knows the expectations. This applies to both behavior, discipline and also chores around the house. The boys have a couple of assigned chores that they know need to be completed before privileges.
4. Meal plan. I really dislike grocery shopping, even more so now when my only options are to go on a Saturday when the store is chaos or with the littles in tow during a weekday. I make sure to plan out enough meals so I only have to get groceries every 7-9 days. I take a look at my meal plan the night before and decide what I will be making for dinner the following day. I also always include a couple quick and easy meals to go to if need be.
5. Make lunches the night before. The boys bring a lunch everyday for school and no matter how early I get up my planned prepped time always disappears by someone or something needing attention. Yeah, their sandwich may not be as fresh, but it saves a lot of unneeded stress in the morning.
6. Take a timeout. We all know there are always a million things to do; dishes, meals, cleaning, laundry, bills, etc. I have found that allowing myself some R&R while Grace and Caden take their afternoon nap has helped fuel me for the rest of the day. It doesn’t happen daily, but at least a few times a week I ignore the mess and do something I enjoy while they sleep.
7. Have a cleaning and laundry schedule. At the beginning of the week I write down what needs to be cleaned. I have a rotating schedule, so not all of my cleaning happens in the same week. Example my floors only get vacuumed every other week unless needed otherwise. For laundry I don’t have a set day, but I am pretty consistent about throwing a load of wash in every day in order not to fall behind. I cut myself a little slack and allow one laundry basket of unfolded clothes, but never more.
I would love to hear some of the ways you tame the chaos!
Join Kelly for more. Happy Friday!!