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I often find myself thinking about my sons’ birthmothers, but in the past weeks it has also consumed my heart. Rushing over me with a wave of emotions. As we celebrate Mother’s Day this weekend I want to honor the women who gave my sons the gift of life.

 

To the ones who loved them first:

There are no words to express the sentiments I feel. Honored, humbled, privileged to be mothering your child. The love I have for them is undeniable as I lavish them with hugs. Yours is one much stronger as you put aside your wants to think of someone else.

As they fill my life with joy and laughter, their absence brings you grief. As I gaze everyday into their eyes, you dream of what they look like. As I tuck them safely into bed at night, you wonder where they are.

You may feel like you have been forgotten, but not a day goes by that your name is not spoken as we mention you in prayer. The topic is not hushed, but spoken about openly. You were a real part of their lives and whether you realize it or not you are still a very important piece of who they are.

When the questions arise, the whys, the need for understanding I tell them honestly, you are a hero. An unsung hero whose love is far greater than my comprehension. A sacrifice that I cannot fathom. They smile through the confusion as I retell the story of your love. And as they ask to hear it over and over it is not because they cannot remember, but rather they are writing it on their hearts.

I grieve the loss with them. The loss that you carry so quietly in your heart. The loss caused by brokenness in our world. The loss that has not allowed you to raise them.

The soul given to you, now entrusted to me. What an immense responsibility, an honor I will not let be diminished. I am grateful and humbled to have been chosen. The privilege is not lost.

Why our paths crossed I am not sure, but I promise to always aim for greatness. To raise them in a way that would make you proud. I have to be honest there are days that I fail, overreact or forget to enjoy the moment, but I will never give up striving to be the mother you hoped I could be.

They are growing, learning and blossoming. Embracing all that life has to offer and rising above when met with challenges. They are kind, generous, thoughtful, eager and loving. You should be proud. So proud of who they have become. For it was your loving embrace that first held them and gave them the opportunity to flourish.

I can’t imagine the grief you sometimes feel, but please know you will always be a part of them. As I look into their beautiful brown eyes the ones that you saw first, I see you and they do too. Your love has not gone unnoticed, your sacrifice will not be forgotten.

As mothers receive a special blessing at church this weekend, I will be standing in for you. I won’t pretend to take your place, because I can’t. I will always try my best at second, because you loved them first.

With all my love and gratitude,
An Adoptive Mother

 

A child born to another woman calls me mommy. The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of that privilege are not lost on me.  -Jody Landers

We are just about to the 10 month mark of being a family!! I am constantly amazed at how well our sons have adjusted and how our family has molded together. Every month I look back and am in awe of everything new they are learning and all that I have to learn yet. Still after 10 months I am finding out I am still a rookie at all of this.

I realize I have said this before, but it seems like our sons have been in our lives forever not just 10 months. They have stolen my heart and it will never be the same. Life seems so natural, that I easily forget the reality of how short 10 months really is.

From not knowing how to hold a crayon to perfectly coloring in the lines. From not speaking English to now knowing how to read. Yes, they have learned so, so much. Yet, during our school day I realize how much I take for granted assuming they already know. Reminders for me of the need to sometimes slow down and keep in mind it has only been 10 months.

As much as they are learning I feel as if I am learning just as much if not more. I am learning about myself and how to give completely and selflessly. I am learning how to advocate for my sons and to be proactive, always thinking one step ahead about what their needs may be.

I wish this wasn’t part of the learning curve, but I am also learning how to respond to rude comments and intrusive questions from strangers. So often I forget that our family looks different until a stranger finds it their business to remind me and in front of our sons. As much as it sets my mama bear roaring I am learning that my response is setting the stage for how my sons will respond in the future.

When the hard days come and the moments when I fail, I too need to remind myself I have only been doing this for 10 months. I am still a rookie. It’s okay to not have all of the answers, to not be the perfect mom. As much as I wish I was, it continually gives me something daily to strive for.

Still more important than my perfection is that every day our sons know the unconditional and unending love we have for them. Although we may not share the same nose or eyes, we share something much deeper. We share a bond that will not be broken and I pray that when they encounter difficulty or confusion they know the love that goes deeper. A love forever blazed in our hearts for them and a love from their Creator which cannot be fathomed.

(And just when I think I will have this parenting thing down, it will be a whole new ball game when we welcome a newborn in February and the learning curve will start completely over and I mean completely.)