everyday Ann

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Adoption: A Call to Love Deeper

November is a month where we take the time to reflect on our blessings, what we are grateful for and the gifts in our lives. Four years ago at this time I was praying like crazy for two little boys I had never met and still had already claimed as my sons. Begging dear God please let us bring them home soon, not knowing that one month later we would finally get the clear to start making travel plans. I am incredibly grateful for the gift of adoption.

November is National Adoption Awareness Month and there is so much education and awareness that needs to be done. I am writing at Catholic Mom today sharing our journey. For the complete story start here.

You Loved Them First

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I often find myself thinking about my sons’ birthmothers, but in the past weeks it has also consumed my heart. Rushing over me with a wave of emotions. As we celebrate Mother’s Day this weekend I want to honor the women who gave my sons the gift of life.

 

To the ones who loved them first:

There are no words to express the sentiments I feel. Honored, humbled, privileged to be mothering your child. The love I have for them is undeniable as I lavish them with hugs. Yours is one much stronger as you put aside your wants to think of someone else.

As they fill my life with joy and laughter, their absence brings you grief. As I gaze everyday into their eyes, you dream of what they look like. As I tuck them safely into bed at night, you wonder where they are.

You may feel like you have been forgotten, but not a day goes by that your name is not spoken as we mention you in prayer. The topic is not hushed, but spoken about openly. You were a real part of their lives and whether you realize it or not you are still a very important piece of who they are.

When the questions arise, the whys, the need for understanding I tell them honestly, you are a hero. An unsung hero whose love is far greater than my comprehension. A sacrifice that I cannot fathom. They smile through the confusion as I retell the story of your love. And as they ask to hear it over and over it is not because they cannot remember, but rather they are writing it on their hearts.

I grieve the loss with them. The loss that you carry so quietly in your heart. The loss caused by brokenness in our world. The loss that has not allowed you to raise them.

The soul given to you, now entrusted to me. What an immense responsibility, an honor I will not let be diminished. I am grateful and humbled to have been chosen. The privilege is not lost.

Why our paths crossed I am not sure, but I promise to always aim for greatness. To raise them in a way that would make you proud. I have to be honest there are days that I fail, overreact or forget to enjoy the moment, but I will never give up striving to be the mother you hoped I could be.

They are growing, learning and blossoming. Embracing all that life has to offer and rising above when met with challenges. They are kind, generous, thoughtful, eager and loving. You should be proud. So proud of who they have become. For it was your loving embrace that first held them and gave them the opportunity to flourish.

I can’t imagine the grief you sometimes feel, but please know you will always be a part of them. As I look into their beautiful brown eyes the ones that you saw first, I see you and they do too. Your love has not gone unnoticed, your sacrifice will not be forgotten.

As mothers receive a special blessing at church this weekend, I will be standing in for you. I won’t pretend to take your place, because I can’t. I will always try my best at second, because you loved them first.

With all my love and gratitude,
An Adoptive Mother

 

A child born to another woman calls me mommy. The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of that privilege are not lost on me.  -Jody Landers

Adoption Education

Last month we celebrated the boys’ adoption day! The day is right up there with Christmas for them. We go all out and make sure to celebrate! A favorite of course is watching videos from our time in Ghana and when they first came home.

I can’t believe it has been three years since we have brought our sons home. Seems like only yesterday and yet feels like we have been together forever. It’s hard to remember and imagine our life without them!

They love hearing stories about our travels to Ghana (the craziest two weeks of my life), how they were longed for and prayed for and the excitement I had in finally getting to see their sweet beautiful smiles!!

Through these three years I have learned that there needs to be more education about adoption. It seems there is still a social stigma associated with it and unfortunately it is doing our children no good and causing more families to be reluctant to open their homes and hearts to the amazing gift.

The boys had only been home a month when we went to their first dentist appointment. The receptionist asked me for copies of our court paperwork of the adoption to prove that I was indeed their mother.

On our first bike ride with the boys, they were so excited to finally have a bicycle! From a car driving by a college aged man yells out his window in a sarcastic tone, “nice kids.”

A girl at the park was talking to my boys about her stuffed animal and how she adopted it. Explaining to my sons that she knows what adoption is, “it’s when nobody wants you.”

At an event with our family this summer and the lady next to me began to engage in some small talk. Seeing I was pregnant said, “I bet you wish you knew you could get pregnant, because then you wouldn’t have had to spend all that money adopting.”

My sons were in earshot and my jaw dropped. A moment where I would have liked to respond with anger for the incredibly hurtful comment. I could feel the tension rising up inside of me as I froze for a second. No, I responded, because then I wouldn’t have my sons. I intentionally ended the small talk from there on out.

One of the areas of adoption I feel like I am never prepared for are the questions and comments we get from random strangers when we are out in public. I easily forget that we are a multi-racial family and “stick-out” from the rest, naturally drawing attention to ourselves. This was the biggest wake-up call for me as to how ill formed the general public is on the topic.

Adoption. It’s a word that we openly use and talk about. There is not a stigma associated with it in our house. It is beautiful, messy, joyful and heart wrenching. It is being the biggest advocate for your child. Being the arms they lean into to cry when all you can do is hold them when there are no simple answers to life’s toughest questions.

One Year Ago

One year ago we met our sons. One year ago we became a family. Two precious boys who stole my heart forever with their beautiful brown eyes and contagious smiles. A day I will never forget. A day that has forever changed my life. A journey that took years to make, but would readily walk again for the moment to hold them in my arms.

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Our first family picture in Ghana.

I will never forget the nerves, anxiety and excitement as we awaited to see our sons for the first time. A flood of emotions. Emotions that still bring me to tears as I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the gift and honor of being their mommy.

When I reflect back it still seems all surreal packing up and flying to Africa the day after Christmas. In the midst of our travels the obstacles were insurmountable. Only the hand of God could have orchestrated the paperwork, passports and visas. A God who is so faithful that the impossible was made possible, hills made into plains.

God had his hand in every last detail, including giving me the most amazing birthday present I will ever receive, becoming a mom. Becoming a mother on my birthday was more than I could ever ask for and every year we will celebrate the day as a family. The day is now more than just the day I was born, it is also the day our family was born.

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And one year later!

So this year more so than my birthday we celebrated our sons adoption day. We started the morning with my favorite french toast and strawberry sauce and then took them ice skating to break in their new hockey skates. We went out for dinner and for dessert we enjoyed Coldstone and then finished the day by watching our videos from Ghana.

While the day was theirs they both made me the most beautiful birthday cards that melted my heart, “Happy Birthday Momme!”

Looking back I can’t believe how much the boys have changed in one year. Growing incredibly tall, learning English, reading, maturing, adjusting, playing and still loving the snow!!

I look to the next year with great excitement as they are still discovering so many new adventures. Although our family dynamic will change in just six short weeks, I also look forward to seeing them shine as amazing big brothers!

In the busyness of this season in our lives I am often left wondering which is more crazy that we were in Africa one year ago or that we will be having a baby in six weeks. The short answer neither, because we have a God who is forever faithful. Faithful in the storm and faithful in the calm.

Adoption Talk

With tomorrow already the start of November it also marks the beginning of National Adoption Month. To kick it off I thought I would share a link to an interview I did this past week on Relevant Radio’s On Call.


I was honored to be a part of the conversation on adoption. Something I don’t think can be talked about enough. Although adoption is becoming more common there are still stigmas and prejudices associated with it especially towards families who choose to build their family this way.

Adoption has blessed our family x2 and my husband and I are the lucky ones to have been given the responsibility to care for these beautiful children, what a gift!